A Hero By Any Other Name
by csvolny
Summary: Escaping an abusive life, the Lone Wanderer travels into the Wastes of the former United States becoming the woman she was meant to be. In the Fallout Universe, starting with Fallout 3, but going elsewhere; rated M for Adult Themes.
1. Vault 101

**Prologue**

The nurse knocked softly on the door, and then opened it a crack and peeked in. She was sitting in her usual chair, feet propped up on an old crate, sound asleep, her head leaning against the side of the chair, her glasses hanging from a silken cord around her neck, the book she was reading open in the middle. The blanket had slipped off her lap and lay half on the floor; the nurse scurried in and picked it up, tucking it under her legs.

"You don't need to do that," the nurse heard her whisper. Startled, the nurse looked up into her piercing eye.

"I don't want you to catch cold, Ma'am. You of all people should be comfortable." The nurse smiled warmly.

"Bah!" She sat up and adjusted herself in her seat. "Girlie, I've been more uncomfortable than you can imagine; slept in the ruined remains of a house with nothing but broken wood to cover me up. Why once, I stayed in an old sewer pipe emptying on the Potomac, for five days waiting for some stinking Raider convention to move on!"

"What are you reading?" the nurse asked.

She picked up the book and flipped it closed with a popping noise, "Some worthless drivel written by some moron who hasn't got the slightest clue what he's talking about," she tossed it across the room with a strength belied by her frailty.

The nurse smiled, "Oh, come on now, Ma'am, I'm sure he's researched it. Right?" The nurse sat down in the chair opposite looking at her skeptical face.

"Well," the nurse continued, "At least he got Amanda's name right?" This was a topic she went on about quite regularly; authors always got the name of her childhood friend wrong.

A look of utter contempt passed across her face to be immediately replaced by a searching stare into the nurse's face; a glare so penetrating the nurse glanced down unable to meet her gaze.

"Her name was Amata, Girlie; Ah-mah-tah," she paused with a wry smile. "But you already knew that." She took a deep breath and sat up straighter in her chair, "Don't read that crap or anything else from them self-righteous, know-it-alls. Here's what happened."

**Vault 101**

**The Adventurers**

Amata and I met the first day of school when we were five. I walked into the classroom by myself; the teacher wasn't there yet, but several other students were. Immediately, some boy got in my face and started making fun of me; it turned out to be Butch DeLoria, he was always a jerk and his minions were always mindless drones.

"What's your name?" he grunted in my face.

"Esther," I answered. It was an old person's name, old like before the war; I don't think there was anybody alive that had it but me.

He guffawed loudly, his spit hitting me in the face, "What kind of a stupid name is that?" He laughed for several minutes, and then started calling me names, telling me how ugly I was.

I saw this girl come up behind Butch and smile at me, and then she got down on her hands and knees right behind him. Taking my cue, I quickly pushed against his chest. He went backward, and tripping over the girl on the floor, went sprawling with his arms flapping and slammed into the floor. The girl stood up and took my hand and we went over to her desk. Butch jumped to his feet and came running at me with some other kid laughing at him in the background.

"You bitch! I'm going to pound you " Just then the teacher came in with a complete look of shock across her face. She grabbed Butch by his ear and pulled him crying from the room. Outside the door we heard her voice raised and Butch's whimpering and then four solid smacks. A minute later they both came back in, Butch's face red and tear streaked; the teacher forced him to apologize and sit down at his desk. I looked at the girl gratefully and we introduced ourselves.

"Hi, I'm Amata Almodovar, my daddy is the Overseer," she said.

"I'm Esther Levine um my dad is the doctor?" I had no idea what to say, I'd never had a friend of any kind before.

"Good," she answered, "We stay together, and we'll be okay, forever!"

We were instantly best friends and were never apart as long as we could get away with it and did everything together. She was my best friend, closest confidant, and the nearest thing to a sister either one of us would ever have.

I was never considered a beauty that I knew of. Even as a little girl, in comparison to Amata's dusky skin, raven black hair and deep brown eyes, I was no match with my stringy red hair, watery blue eyes and pale skin. Although, when we got older, I got taller than average to about 5'9", which used to infuriate Amata and her 5'3" to no end. I wouldn't say I was hideous to look at, I was just plain; Amata was the one that was outgoing and got all the dates, I was the one that read alone in the library.

This, honestly, was fine with me most of the time. I loved reading books about history and learning about all the nations of the past and the way things used to be. I also loved reading stories; especially stories with magic and beautiful princesses. One of my favorites was the book Arabian Nights; I used to dream of being Scheherazade and having Aladdin or Ali Baba come and rescue me.

Both Mr. Almodovar and my dad switched off with raising us. My mother had died giving birth to me and Amata's had died of some disease when she was very little. It was second nature for me to treat Amata's dad like another father, although I never called him anything but Mr. Almodovar. Amata felt warmly toward my dad too but he was different than Mr. Almodovar; Amata called him Second Dad or Daddy-Two.

Obedience to authority was unconditional. It was odd because I grew up with the Overseer as a semi-parental figure and saw him in a different light than everyone else in the Vault, including my dad. But even still, both Amata and I had to obey; back talk was not tolerated. Duty, respect and order were everything to the Overseer, and he retained and enforced them severely.

Even though they both watched us, we were still left on our own a lot and Amata and I took complete advantage; we went everywhere in the Vault exploring every area we could get into; and we got quite adept at figuring out how to get into places we weren't supposed to, and equally as adept at fixing the stuff we inevitably broke so we wouldn't be found out.

Among the things our teacher, Mr. Brotch, taught was history of the United States and the Vaults. In the mid 21st Century, the United States government contracted Vault-Tec to build underground Vaults to protect the population from nuclear destruction. Each of these Vaults was designed to keep one-thousand citizens sealed for an unlimited length of time, until they were notified that it was safe to return to the surface; who was going to be doing this notification was never clearly explained to us. The Vaults were equipped with the latest in technology knowing that the people in them were going to be there for a very long time; our Vault, Vault 101, had just celebrated its 200th year since activation. It consisted of fifteen levels built underground, and reinforced to protect from the explosions.

Our first real adventure was sometime in February when we were both nine. We were exploring on the bottom level, in the sewage tunnels; I don't remember what we were doing down there anymore, other than just nosing around, like usual. This level was very dark, and we forgot to bring a light. It turned out to be a good thing.

At the end of the bottom tunnel, there was a rusted door with a large wheel on it that was sealed shut. We kept coming back to it to check on it. As we approached the door, we heard voices behind us. We looked at each other in fear; we weren't supposed to be down there. We scattered looking for some place to hide; wedging ourselves underneath one of the huge pipes, in a puddle of filth from the pipe. The voices approached, and we saw lights wobbling across the walls.

"What did they get?" one asked, it was one of the Security Officers.

"He said two, plus one of them weird two-headed things, some meat and a lot of scrap metal," another one answered.

This was definitely Officer Richards, a mean man who had threatened Amata and me with beatings if he ever caught us going some place we weren't supposed to. I gulped noisily, terrified of being found.

The two came up to the door and stopped, apparently waiting. Suddenly, there was a loud banging noise from the other side and the two men grabbed the wheel and with enormous effort and a lot of swearing turned it several times, finally pulling the door open with a loud squeal. When it was opened we saw the brightest, most unnatural light in our lives streaming through; the glare was blinding, and it seared across our vision for quite some time.

Five men came in through the door; following behind them was the most bizarre creature we had ever seen in our lives. From reading, I knew it was an ox but I had never seen one with two heads; it was pulling a wheeled cart loaded with crates. Behind the cart, chained by the neck and wrists were two women with very little clothing, followed by a sixth Security Officer with a gun in hand. Two of the guards from the front stepped back and closed the door and spun the wheel.

"Nice," said Officer Richards when the women went by. He reached up and grabbed the chest of the one closest to him. She let out a howl and snarled at him, snapping her teeth inches from his face, pulling the chain at her neck taut. The other Officers burst into laughter as he skipped backwards to avoid getting bitten. He swung his fist into her face with a roar making her nose gush blood.

The other woman laughed hysterically, smiling widely showing teeth that had been filed to sharp points. "This mouth was made for sucking," she cackled again, "Or you scared to try it out?" Both women burst into laughter and the Officer behind them jammed the butt of his gun into the second woman's back.

They passed on out of sight and sound and Amata and I lay there shivering, not knowing what to make of it all. When we were certain they were gone, we snuck out of there and hurried back so we could change out of our dirty jumpsuits.

At ten, we became Working Citizens and it was a huge milestone in our lives. My tenth birthday was kind of fun. Amata and my dad set it all up, and my dad being completely clueless invited everyone from my class, including those jerks Butch DeLoria, Wally Mack, Paul Hannon and the rest of their loser friends. He also invited Officer Gomez who I really liked, as well as his son, Freddie; Freddie was a quiet geek and I didn't like him anymore than any other boy. Later that changed quite a bit; he was always a quiet geek, but I got a serious crush on him and he was my first date and my first kiss.

There were several other kids there, as well as a bunch of adults that I was fond of; my dad got that part right at least. I got a lot of really neat gifts. One of the best was definitely the Pipboy; an amazing device that fit on the forearm. It was a little bulky but it more than made up for it by the number of things it could do. It was a tiny computer and hooked up properly it could monitor your body too. It was used to receive communication from the Overseer, keep notes, it had a light and you could even listen to the radio; although, that last was completely useless, the Vault radio station was really boring. The Overseer gave it me, but Stanley Armstrong, the head Engineer, modified it. The light was brighter, I could play my own music with it and it was able to hold a bunch of text in its memory; you know, books! I loved that thing.

During the party, my dad sent me to see his assistant Jonas Palmer in the reactor. Now, in theory, I wasn't allowed to go down there. Of course, Amata and I had been there several times, but I was still so excited to see what Jonas and my dad had done that I ran down to see what it was. My dad followed me, and when I got there I was just like a little kid.

Putting my hands on my hips, "Ok, what's going on?"

Jonas started laughing, "What are you doing down here young lady?"

"Can it Jonas, what are you two doing?"

"There's no hiding anything from you, is there?" my dad said as he came up behind me.

"We got you your own BB Gun," handing it to me.

I squealed, "Oh my God! That is so cool! Thank you so much." This was something the Overseer would have gone crazy over if he ever found out; guns were only allowed in the hands of security.

They showed me how to shoot it and reload it and for the rest of the day, I was down there shooting. I showed it to Amata that night, and while she made appreciative noises, I don't think she really cared as much as I did. I brought her down to my 'Shooting Range' a couple of times, but she usually just sat nearby and gossiped. I got to be pretty good at shooting that thing; I was even able to modify it so it shot straighter and with a little more power, killing a radroach in one hit.

The years passed, and Amata and I were still as close as two peas in a pod. Our work assignments took us all over the Vault, and we learned what it was that we liked. My favorite spot was the library; I spent endless hours looking at and reading book after book. I was fascinated by the fantasy and science-fiction books; amazing stories that set my imagination on fire. I always checked out way too many books and sometimes brought them to my work assignments, hoping I'd finish early or be able to sneak off somewhere.

I loved it in the Vault. Sometimes I'd get a little jealous from the stories I read, and I certainly always wanted to be Scheherazade or some other princess, but the Vault gave me everything I wanted; adventure and my best friend. The books about life before the war made it look so functional; the magazines tried to show how fun it was with pictures of happy people and exciting products, like motorcars, but I didn't believe it for a minute. How could they have been all that happy if they destroyed their world?

Amata, however, was the complete opposite; she hated it there and the books and magazines just made her want to leave the Vault even more. She used to complain to me often about how meaningless and shallow life was.

"Esther," she said once, "there will never be anything more for us. Don't you understand? We'll grow up, get married, have children and lead the same dull life that has been lived for 200 years!"

She flopped over on her back and put her arm over eyes, "I just want to go to the surface and see; look around, do some exploring. You know?"

"Oh my God, Amata!" I was aghast. "Why would you want to do that? Do you know what's up there now?" She shook her head. "Nothing! Not a single thing. The entire world is dead. You've heard Mr. Brotch; you've read the same books I have. You know they stopped writing after 2077; and why do you think that is?"

"I just want to look," she started crying. I held her in my arms not knowing what else to say or do, wishing I could make her see what I did.

**Descent**

I turned sixteen and that was the year we took the Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test and got our permanent work assignments. The G.O.A.T. was a completely ridiculous method of assessing the skills and desires we possessed to put us on the correct career track. With a Vault the size of ours and only about 1200 residents, whatever the G.O.A.T. came up with wouldn't be our only task, but it would be our primary focus. The night before the test I spent at Amata's and we pumped her dad for information about it and how the results were used.

"Come on, Mr. Almodovar! Can't you tell us anything? Just a hint?" I frowned at him, "Please?"

"Alright, I can tell you this. We take the results very seriously because we're fully aware if you're unhappy in your job, you bring the morale of the Vault down."

I pouted, "That doesn't tell us anything we didn't already know."

"Ok," he finally said, leaning back. "I will tell you there are 1000 questions, given in 250 question chunks, all day long."

Amata and I looked at each other and groaned, "No!"

He laughed, "Yes. The questions are all cross-referenced with each other so there's really no way to pre-choose what profession you're going to be assigned." At our puzzled looks he added, "In other words, you can't cheat."

"But what if it's something we can't stand?" Amata asked.

"In all the time I've been the Overseer I've never seen the test get it wrong." He paused and looked at us, and winked, "But just in case, with input from the other adults in your life and the needs of the Vault, I can exercise a little judgment and alter the result."

We pumped him for more information but he refused to give out anything more. Then we talked with him for a while longer about what we wanted to do and what we thought we'd be happy with. Finally, he told Amata and me to get ready for bed.

We woke up the next morning and got ready for school like normal, talking excitedly the whole time. What job would we get? Who would we be working with? Were we going to like it? Mr. Almovodar had left a note for us to go down to the diner; Mrs. Palmer had made us a special breakfast. The diner was a smaller place to eat; it's where I had my birthday party, where Amata and I went to get away sometimes, a lot of couples went for dates. It was cozier than the larger dining hall that was able to seat like two or three hundred people.

I left Amata to go to class alone and I ran over to see my dad before I took the test. I liked him, but we weren't the closest; he spent most of his time in his lab researching something or with patients, being the Vault Doctor. I saw him more out of a sense of obligation, but sometimes I could get him to talk about my mother. For the past couple of weeks I'd been thinking a lot about her.

"What is it, honey?" he asked me.

"Can we talk about, you know, mom?" I smiled sheepishly.

"Your mother, she... she was beautiful," He always got a dreamy look in his eyes when he talked about her. "But... beyond the beauty you've seen. There's just so much those old photos can never show. And she was passionate. About life, about love. But most of all," he paused. "Most of all she was passionate about you. When she became pregnant, it was the happiest I had ever seen her," he looked into the distance, wistfully. "Ahhhh... she had great things in mind for you..."

I lowered my head, "How can I miss her if I never even knew who she was?"

He shrugged and squeezed my shoulder, "It's a bond that a mother and daughter share; nothing can break it or come between it."

I nodded and went off to class; that was generally the limit of his affection. He meant well; even then I was sure of it. He just wasn't the most affectionate person, and I think he blamed me for his wife's death. Amata and oddly, the Overseer were the ones to give and teach me affection.

While I was walking back down the hallway, I heard Butch DeLoria's voice.

"I'll show you a real Tunnel Snake, Amata," he told her. He and all of his loser friends had formed a gang which they named Tunnel Snakes; very clever little Butchie was with his innuendo.

Poor Amata having to put up with this crap; she was constantly being harassed and not just by Butch. As I came around the corner there were the Tunnel Snakes surrounding Amata hassling her. I pushed through and put my arm around her waist.

"Did you forget who she is, Stupid?" I said to Butch. "If you keep messing with her, the Overseer is going to come down on your gang." Even though she explored with me all the time, she still had this helpless, girlie attitude; sometimes it annoyed me. Today, however, they were pissing me off and I stood to defend my best friend.

Butch pushed me back, "Better watch what you're saying, Levine." He turned to Wally and Paul, "Put something in her mouth to shut her up." They high-fived each other and Wally and Paul laughed and stepped closer to me.

I glanced at Amata and then scowled at the two. "If you can find it, go ahead and try." The vision of those two women chained behind the cart with Officer Richards flew into my head.

I smiled as evilly as I knew how making sure my teeth were showing, and I clacked them together, "I'd like to chew on those little knobs."

I heard Amata's sharp intake of breath, and the three boys backed off.

"You're a crazy bitch," Wally said, "I'm out-a here; let's go Paul."

"I can't believe you said that to him," Amata squealed, squeezing me in a hug. "Thank you! What is their problem, just because I'm the Overseer's daughter?"

"Jerks," I answered, "Plain and simple. They're too stupid to even understand what their saying." I squeezed her back and after a few minutes we walked into class, the last ones.

"Well, well," Mr. Brotch said as we walked in, "How nice of you to show up. Take a seat and we'll get started."

He turned around and walked back to his desk. Amata and I sat down in our usual seats and Mr. Brotch came back with a stack of test papers.

"Ok, here's how it will work," he started. "There are 1000 questions split into four 250 question chunks. You'll have as much time as you need to answer every single question; remember it is multiple choice and there are no wrong answers, so stop panicking. After each 250 questions, you'll get a 15 minute break." He looked around the class as he handed each one of us a test paper. "Questions?"

There weren't any and he walked back to his desk, "Begin."

As Mr. Almodovar said, it took all day long and was easily the weirdest test I've ever taken. Amata and I finished at the same time, by design. We skipped out of there and on the way out I 'accidentally' bumped Butch and made him drop his pencil.

"Good luck, Moron," I whispered, "You're going to need it."

Monday couldn't come around soon enough and when it did both Amata and I actually ran to class and were the first ones there; Mr. Brotch was surprised to see us.

"My word, now I see what it takes to get you two to class on time. If only I'd known this several months ago."

Finally, all of the students arrived and Mr. Brotch stood up from his desk and called us all to silence. For the first time in all the years I'd been with him, we were all instantly silent. He noticed it too.

"Well, well, I think I'll just stand here and enjoy the new found control I've gotten," he gloated.

"Aw, come on Teach," Butch shouted, "Tell us what we're gonna do!"

"Oh very well, come up to my desk one at a time, and I'll let you know." He turned and sat back down at his desk, waiting for us to go up. Amata's and my turn came and we stepped up to Mr. Brotch's desk.

"Well, Miss Almovodar, you'll be pleased to know you're on the Supervisory track. One day, I'll be calling you Overseer."

She actually blushed, "Oh no, Sir, I have no interest in going that far. But thank you very much."

We gave each other a hug and the thumbs up. Mr. Brotch turned to me and my stomach did a flip.

"Miss Levine, let me see," he pulled my paper to the top, and read it, giving a little chuckle; I looked nervously at Amata.

"You are to be the Overseer's new Personal Assistant. Imagine that, working closely side-by-side with Our Great Leader; how lucky for you!"

We finished out the rest of the week in class, mostly helping out with the classes of younger children. Although, each of us got packets from our new jobs explaining when and where to go and what we would be doing. Amata was going to be a beginning supervisor in the dining hall for starters, but was told to expect to rotate around every couple of months so she could learn everything.

Well, all of them received packets; I got a hand written note from Mr. Almodovar.

_Miss Levine,_

_Congratulations on becoming my Personal Assistant! You have an exciting and interesting career ahead of you and we'll be working closely together. I look forward to getting to know you better and seeing more of you, everyday._

_A. Almodovar_

I showed it to Amata and she laughed; her dad was always so formal and polite.

On the final Sunday before starting our new lives and new jobs I woke up and my dad was waiting for me with a box.

"What's that?"

He placed it on the coffee table in front of me, "It's for you, from your mother. She told me to give this to you when you got your assignment."

I opened the box and the first thing I saw was a garment with a very bright, flowery pattern on it. I stood up and pulled it out of the box and held it at arms length; it was a dress that went down to about my knees with a button-up front. I knew of dresses from my books, but we weren't allowed to wear them in the Vault.

"She wore this?" I cried. It looked so exposed, in comparison to the jumpsuits we all wore.

He smiled and nodded his head. I put it carefully down on the sofa and looked back in the box. There were several more items of clothing; another dress, two skirts and tops, all very pretty but I think I would be afraid to wear them in public. There were also some heavy pants my dad called jeans, and four pairs of very feminine shoes which my books would call heels. I tried a pair on and when I stood, I started wobbling and sat back down laughing.

"These are going to take me quite a while to get used to walking in," I told him.

I stood back up and tried to walk around our apartment a little bit. I only fell down twice, but twisted my ankle painfully about six times. After about twenty minutes, I figured out how to walk very slowly, with short steps.

I looked at my dad, "Thank you so much. I'm going to go try everything on."

On the following Monday, after washing up and breakfast, I came up to Mr. Almodovar's office and rang the buzzer.

He came and opened the door and ushered me in.

"Have a seat," he said putting his arm around my waist.

I sat down and crossed my legs. He went over and got us both some coffee, talking.

"It's nice to see you so early in the morning. What do you know about my office; what I do everyday?" he asked, handing me my coffee.

"Nothing, Sir, thank you," I took it and blew on it before taking a sip. "I mean, I know that you're the Overseer, of course, but I've always thought of you as Amata's father."

He laughed, "Yes, well, hopefully you'll start to think differently about me. I really haven't had the desire for an assistant, until now that is." He patted my thigh. "Let me tell you what your duties will be."

We talked for several hours straight, and then I watched and helped when I could for the rest of the day while he did his normal job. At the end of the first day we left together and he walked me to my door and followed me inside.

"Esther, it is going to be a pleasure working with you. I look forward to seeing more of you." He gave me a hug and kissed my cheek, which completely surprised me, and then he left.

My daily assignments with Mr. Almodovar weren't all that complicated. If he left the office, I followed him with a clipboard and wrote down notes about everything he said and did, and the people he talked to. When we came back to the office, I typed them up and gave them to him. I kept track of all of his appointments and reminded him of when they were, setup meetings with the various department heads and answered the intercom. At the end of the day, I filed everything away.

He never walked me home again, but he got considerably friendlier during the day. When I got there in the morning, and brought his coffee over, he kissed my cheek good morning; although this changed to a kiss on the lips by the end of the week. When he would help me learn what needed to be done, he would stand very close, often putting his arm around my waist; sometimes he emphasized his points by patting my rear. In fact, he was always touching me in some way; brushing my hair back, putting his hand on my thigh if we sat together; it was uncomfortable at first, but eventually I got used to it.

Every so often, he gave me gifts. Sometimes, it was a knickknack that someone had crafted, or a piece of jewelry, sometimes plants or flowers from the farming level. Even though Mr. Almodovar was my best friend's father, and probably twice my age or more, I have to confess that I was somewhat flattered by the attention, creepy as it was. After Freddie Gomez, I'd been asked on two other dates and neither one of those went well. I was uncomfortable around men in general, and to have the Overseer no less, showering me with gifts and attention, I was flattered. At the end of the third month he gave me a box of pills. It only occurred to me a couple of years later what they really were, but at the time I believed what he told me.

"There seems to be some kind of contagion coming up from the bottom levels," he said.

"Oh no! What should we do?" I asked.

"There really is nothing we can do. The engineers are working on it. I don't want to start an all out panic, so let's keep this to ourselves."

"Will these help?" I held the box of pills up.

"Yes and no," he answered. "I've come to rely on you so heavily that I need to ensure your health, but there isn't enough stock for the entire Vault."

I blushed, and mumbled "Thank you, Sir."

"It's extremely important that you take one of those a day, and do not ever miss a day. The doctor, your father, told me that it may interfere with your ahem monthly cycle, but that's simply a side-effect."

I looked at the pills worried, and then back at Mr. Almodovar.

"Don't worry, Esther," he reached out took my hands, "Everything will be fine, just remember to take your pills daily." I nodded trying to smile.

"Oh, and don't bring them up to your father; I know how he likes to help as many people as he can, and he might be upset that I'm giving you alone the pills."

He spun me around by my shoulder, "There's a good girl." He patted my rear, "Now get back to work."

I began taking the pills the following morning, as directed. At first they made me incredibly nauseous, violently so. After about two months, that finally stopped but not before I lost probably ten pounds; I ate the bare minimum to keep me alive and relatively healthy. Mr. Almovodar surprisingly kept a close eye on me, making sure I was keeping up with the pills and trying to help me overcome my nausea.

From the beginning, he started having me work late, sometimes as late as twenty-two or twenty-three. I noticed if I mentioned to him that I wanted to go out with my friends, he would have an emergency project; very soon, I lost all contact with my friends, even Amata. The only people I saw besides Mr. Almodovar were his Security Officers and the Department Heads, and they treated me as if I didn't exist, most of the time. I was becoming very lonely, and regretting whatever answers on the G.O.A.T. led me to this job. I was retreating further and further into books from the library, and that became the only thing I lived for.

After working for him for six months, one evening everything changed forever. Thinking about it now, at the end of my life, I should have expected it. It's obvious to me he was setting me up for just this purpose. In a way, I blame myself; I naively fantasized about life through reading my books. Of course, Mr. Almovodar saw this and capitalized on it. But, at that young age, I hadn't a clue and with no guidance, I had no way of getting a clue. We were working late one evening as usual. He was trying to get the wording right for some new regulation for the sanitation department and I was dictating his notes.

"No, no," he grumbled, "that's not right. Read it back to me."

I flipped the pages of my clipboard back to the beginning of his regulation and started reading. Every so often, I would glance up and see him staring at me, intently.

"Esther, come sit here," he finally said, patting his lap. This actually wasn't an unusual request; he often had me sit in his lap during things like this, he claimed it helped him to think more clearly.

I walked over and carefully sat down; his hands went around my waist and I went back to reading his regulation. I could feel him squirming underneath me, which was unusual. Suddenly, he stood up and pushed me face forward on his desk. I cried out in shock and pain.

"Sir? Please! That hurt, what have I done?" In the six months I'd worked with him, he'd never shown any kind of violence toward me.

"Esther, I've had enough of your seduction and teasing attitude. It's time I take what is rightfully mine!"

My violation lasted over thirty minutes, the entire time I cried in pain and humiliation, in rhythm to his thrusts. When he finished, I slid off his desk to the floor and held my arms tight around myself, weeping. I had no idea what the marriage bed was like, but this wasn't even close to what I had imagined. I was ashamed and I didn't know how I was going to hide what I had become. All I wanted to do was die but I didn't think I could even work up the courage for that. Mr. Almodovar stood over me and zipped up his jumpsuit; I never looked up, I couldn't.

"Thank you, Esther that was very pleasant. Go ahead and get cleaned up, and come back in tomorrow at the normal time. We'll try and finish up this regulation then," he said, as if nothing at all had just happened. When I didn't get up immediately, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet.

"Stop crying and go home," he said angrily. I grabbed my clothing from the floor and rushed out of his office, tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

Calling in sick was not an option, and so I returned to work every day; several times a week he would use me. It was never enjoyable for me, but after awhile the pain went away. Sometimes I tried to encourage him, to get it over with as soon as possible and I tried different things to get him to finish as quickly as possible.

It took another couple of months for me to find that the way to deal with the humiliation was drugs and alcohol. To get them, I used the one skill Mr. Almodovar had given me; I sold my body. I started reading more and more, losing myself in stories. I never understood when the women in my stories would describe love making as pleasurable, there was nothing enjoyable whatsoever; just them finishing up, and getting my hands on the booze or dope.

I tried contacting Amata, but she was always working, learning her new job as a supervisor. She never returned any of my messages and the few times I was able to catch her in the hallways or at home, she was becoming distant. The few conversations we had were stilted, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything; how do you tell your best friend that her father is raping you? The last time I saw her, I was high and had a bottle in my hand; she called me disgusting and closed the door in my face.

My father was spending more time in the lab. When I tried to go to his work to see him, he was always too busy to see me. Unable to see the people that I was closest to, I retreated further into books and used my body to get more drugs.

**Escape!**

I was pulled from a deep, drug induced sleep one morning and wiping the crust from my eyes saw that it was Amata; dimly I could hear the blares of the alarm system going off, and could see the reflections from the strobes in the hallway.

"Come on, you've got to wake up!" she was shouting.

"Leave me alone. I'm trying to get some sleep," I moaned.

"No! You've got to get up. Right now! If my father's men catch you here, I don't know what will happen."

"What?"

I looked around bleary eyed, what I really wanted was another fix. I looked down at the foot of my bed and saw the refuse from my previous night's binge; an empty whiskey bottle and syringe.

The strobes were really starting to annoy me; my head was already splitting and the constant flashing with that filthy yellow color wasn't helping.

"What happened to the lights?" I asked stupidly.

"Are you high again? My father ordered the Vault into lock down. Everyone's supposed to stay in their quarters and emergency lighting only. But you need to be careful; the radroaches have swarmed out in the darkness."

She looked toward my door, anxiously. "I had a few close calls on my way to see you. It was lucky for you in a way." She reached up and took my hands, pulling me out of bed.

"What are you wearing?" she asked, shocked. "Where did you get something like that?"

The Overseer came to visit me often at night, when my father was working; he would have his fun and then leave. Last night he had visited and brought something he called a garter belt and made me put that on with some stockings; it was rather uncomfortable and after he left, I just swallowed some pills with whiskey and passed out without changing out of it.

I looked down at myself, now horrifyingly embarrassed at my almost complete nudity, "It's just something..."

"Never mind, I was saying; security's been distracted dealing with the roaches, but that won't last forever. You've got to get out of here!"

My mind was struggling to comprehend what she was saying, and finally latched on to something, "Wait, why would they be looking for me? I haven't done anything."

"Your dad left the Vault somehow and now my father's gone crazy! Jonas is dead!"

Her eyes started to moisten up, "Please, Esther, listen to me like the friends we used to be before you... You've got to get moving before they kill you too!"

She had just said far too many things for my mind to grasp all at once; my dad is out of the Vault, Jonas is dead, Security is going to kill me, Amata wasn't my friend anymore. I picked the one thing my dim brain heard.

"Before I what, Amata?" I shouted. "Before your father started raping me? Before I turned to alcohol and drugs because my father and my best friend refused to see me?" I shrieked and pushed her away from me.

The look of horror that suddenly crossed Amata's face made me instantly ashamed.

"You didn't know, did you?"

"Oh my God, Esther," she managed to get out, shaking her head almost violently. "No, I didn't and I'm not sure... No, that doesn't matter. You have to get out of here." She turned and went to one of my dressers and pulled open a drawer grabbing the first thing off the top.

"Here, put this on. Where's your underwear?" She eyed me up and down. "Some decent underwear," she added with a soft smile.

I pointed to the other dresser while tears welled up in my eyes, "I missed you, Amata."

"I wish we had more time. I'm sorry I didn't see what was happening." She grabbed a set of underwear and brought them back over to me. "Hurry, get dressed."

While I was getting dressed something struck me, "My dad can't have left the Vault. That's impossible."

"That's what I would have said until tonight," she answered. "But it's true. He's gone and Jonas is dead and now they're looking for you!"

"Why would your father kill Jonas? That makes no sense."

"My father's men think Jonas helped your dad escape. They caught him and brought him to my dad's office and they... Oh my God..." She burst into tears and this time I took her hands and leaned in to hug her.

After a minute she took a deep breath and whispered, "I've missed you too, Esther; I was so lost without my best friend."

She pulled back, "I don't think they meant to. Kill Jonas, that is. As if that makes any difference. I think he must have distracted the guards while your dad got into the Vault door controls. When they realized that Jonas had helped your dad escape, they just lost it."

"I still don't understand how my father escaped. Isn't the Vault door sealed?"

"Well, that's what they've always told us, but apparently it's not. And you remember what we saw down in the bottom levels so many years ago?" I nodded. "I'll bet the doors have been opened for years."

She took a deep breath, "From what I overheard, he hacked into the computer that controls the door. That's why my father locked down the door leading to the exit."

I looked around my room and my gaze landed on my night table; a bottle of tequila and a vial of cocaine. The warmth I was feeling toward Amata vanished as I licked my lips thinking about the next hit.

"Even if all that's true... how did you get here first?" I asked, suspiciously.

She looked like I had just slapped her face, "Oh, so you don't trust me now? Thanks a lot. You think it was easy for me to get here? With the radroaches and security all over the place?"

"Whatever. In any case, I don't need any more of your help."

Amata turned an angry red, "Fine! You're on your own then, you bitch!" She threw a handful of hairpins at me. In my father's office, there's a tunnel to the front door; use those to get out." She glared at me, "Or don't. Lay here and get wasted as usual and then the guards will take you. Have a great life." She stormed out of the room.

I angrily watched her go, "Good riddance!" I shouted. "Make sure you tell your father where I am so he can use me some more." If she heard me, I have no idea; I was too angry to care. I did pick up all the safety pins though; I knew from experience how to break into doors here in the Vault.

I reached under my bed and grabbed a large cloth bag, and then went to my dressers, grabbing everything that my mother had left me. I left the Vault suits and spit on the lingerie Mr. Almodovar had given me; I wanted no memory of this life. I picked up my BB gun and slung it over my back. As I turned to walk out of the room grabbing my stash off of my night table. I put them in the bag in the main living area of my dad's and my apartment, as I went to the front door. I slapped the button and the door noisily disappeared into the floor and ceiling.

I peered outside my doorway to see if there was anyone around but the hallway was empty. I hurried out and headed toward the Overseer's office. As I passed by the communal bathrooms, further down the hall I dimly saw a figure running towards me. I raised my fists and yelled at it to stop.

"Esther, don't hit me!" He cringed; it was Butch. I shook my head again and tried to move past him. He grabbed my shoulders.

"You gotta help me! My mom's trapped in there with the radroaches!"

I sneered at him, "Up yours, I'm not going to help you." I tried to take his hands off me.

"Please! I know I've always been a jerk towards you. I know it! But you can't walk away and let her die! Just because I was an idiot. Please I'm begging you."

I was stunned; he must really be terrified. In nineteen years the guy had never admitted to any such thing and only apologized the one time when we were five and he was forced to.

"Why do you need my help, anyway? Afraid of a few radroaches?"

He looked honestly embarrassed, "Well yeah, so I hate radroaches. So what? I tried to go back and help her, I swear I did! But I just can't do it! So I'm beggin' you, please help her. I don't know what I'd do without my mom."

I clicked my tonuge. "They're just like the normal ones... only bigger."

"Yeah, a lot bigger; please Esther," he pleaded. The guy was almost in tears, but I had to get moving or pay the consequences.

"Here, take my BB Gun. You don't need to be scared of the roaches now." I patted him on the shoulder.

"Wow!" he answered, "where'd you get that? Okay, okay. Maybe I can do this." He took a deep breath. "Alright. I'm gonna go back in there and kill those damn roaches." He turned back to me and said "Thanks!" with the most sincere look I have ever seen on Butch DeLoria's face.

I took this opportunity to stop off and go pee; I hurried up and did my business, and walked out the other door; this one exited right near Butch's apartment. Butch was just walking out with a gigantic, triumphant grin on his face.

"I did it! I killed all the roaches, my mom's gonna be alright," he handed the gun back to me. "I know it ain't much, but here, take my Tunnel Snake jacket." He took his jacket off, and I swear it, he carefully put it around my shoulders like I was his date and just complained about how cold it was. He stepped back, and then leaned in and gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek!

"Thanks, man!" He turned and ran back into his apartment.

I stood staring at the door to his apartment in shock; in all the time I'd known Butch, the man had not shown a shred of kindness toward me. In what must have been an extension of my shock I found myself thinking he was really cute, had nice, strong arms and his lips were soft. I shuddered; times really must be desperate.

I jerked myself into motion again and continued down the hallway and around the corner to where the diner was. I kept moving to the next door, where I had to go to get up to the Overseer's Office, stopped and crouched down, opening my bag. My shaking had never stopped since Amata woke me up; my hands shook as I fished in my bag. I know I shouldn't, I told myself as I pulled out the vial of cocaine. But it'll just be this one time and I'll throw the stuff away when I get outside.

I took the top off and tapped some into the palm of my hand and snorted it up my nose; shaking my head I sucked in my breath, waiting for the effect. I realized that I better get in motion, the fear and stress of the situation suddenly making me angry. I climbed the stairs and found myself in the hallway outside of my dad's office. A snarl crossed my face thinking about what he had just done to me.

"You abandoned me," I shouted. "I know I'm not the best daught "

Suddenly, I heard a voice to my left and I turned, putting up my fists.

"Hold on there, Missy! I just want to talk to you," he said. I screwed my eyes up trying to see who it was, my vision was fuzzy. It was Officer Gomez, I think the only Security Officer I actually liked.

"You're lucky it was me who found you. The others won't be so forgiving. I don't know what you're up to and I don't want to know. Just clear out of here and I'll pretend I never saw you," he said.

"And I'll pretend you don't work for a homicidal maniac," I barked.

"Don't think I don't know it. Why do you think I'm letting you go? I guess you're trying to follow your dad... outside. Good gravy, if I didn't know what the Overseer would do if he caught you, I'd never tell you to try for it, but it's your only shot. You take care and I hope you find your daddy."

He patted my shoulder and went back down the hallway. Eventually, I made it to the top level, where Mr. Almodovar had his office and his apartment as well as the front door to the Vault. I was extremely nervous, this really was it; I was going to step through that massive gear and out into the world for the first time in my life.

I went by the Security Holding Cell and looked through the window and to my surprise saw Officer Mack and Mr. Almodovar standing over Amata who was obviously cowering in a chair. They were talking and I watched them for a minute before I saw Mr. Almodovar nod his head and Officer Mack swung his hand and struck Amata across the face.

"Enough," I shouted, and rushed through the door and before Mack could turn around. I slammed into him from behind and took him off balance, but he was a solid man. I staggered back as Amata leapt out of the chair and dashed out the door. Officer Mack spun around sending the back of his hand across my face; knocking me to the floor.

"Thank you, Esther. You've made everything easier," he gloated. Officer Mack leaned over me and punched me three more times in the face; I blacked out.

When I came to, I was lying on my back in a bed, with no clothes on. There was an extremely bright and hideous light in the center of the ceiling and I closed my eyes again. My head was splitting, one leg was hanging off the bed and the other was bent and pushed up against the wall; I couldn't move my arms, they were tied up to the head of the bed. I turned my head and squinting looked around the bare room; it was the holding cell where Mr. Almodovar had knocked me out. Twisting my head and body, I looked out the window and saw five or six Security Officers standing in the office out there. One of them noticed me and pointed and a few seconds later the door opened.

"Ready?" he unzipped his jumpsuit.

I don't know how long I was raped, nor by how many. I got some sleep in between men, a little water, but no food. I had no idea what I was going to do; my arms were tied up in such a way that I couldn't even use the rope to kill myself. I was dozing fitfully again when the door opening woke me up. I turned my head and to my horror saw that it was Officer Gomez.

"No, please, not you too," I whimpered.

"I'm sorry about this, Missy," he reached above me and I felt tugging on the ropes. "Really I am. To think of how low we've come to do to this to one of our own young women; it shames me to no end."

"Thank you," I whispered. I pulled my arms down and rubbed my wrists.

"We've got to get you out of here," he said. He handed me my bag. "They just left it sit out there in the office; I don't think anyone's even looked through it. The animals were so excited to get you ." He looked apologetic, "Well, you know what they did; you don't need me to tell you."

I groaned as I sat up; every square inch of my body was in pain. I opened my bag and looked; they had been through it, the cocaine was gone but the bottle of tequila wasn't. I pulled it out and unscrewed the cap, taking a short but deep swallow. I wiped my mouth with the back of my arm and offered the bottle to Officer Gomez.

"Missy, I think I just might," he took the bottle and took a long pull on it. "I won't waste our time lecturing you about drinking too much." He smiled and handed the bottle back.

I took another drink and put the cap back on and reached into the bag again. I fished around until I found some underwear and another dress. Officer Gomez pointedly looked out the window while I got dressed and told me what was going to happen.

"After the ruckus the other night, the Overseer and us Security folks have been busy maintaining the peace. He's not in his office right now, and I'm the only one up here."

I finished and he turned back to face me, "Amata's waiting for you in her dad's office; she's going to get you to the main door. You ready to go?"

I grabbed my bag and followed after him to the door of the Overseer's Office. He turned and handed me a gun and two boxes of bullets.

"You'll need this more than any of us will. Good luck, Missy, and I'm sorry this had to happen to you." He patted my arm and darted off down the hallway while I put the bullets and gun in my bag.

I knocked on the door and it opened immediately; Amata stood there silhouetted in the light like a goddess. She pulled me through the doorway, closing the door behind me and embracing me in a long hug.

"Esther, I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve any of that " she trailed off, unsure of how to go on. I hugged her back, tightly, our fight the last time we spoke forgotten. Finally, she whispered that I had to get out. She stepped around her father's desk, and started fiddling with the computer.

Over her shoulder, she told me, "We were right, by the way. When I was looking for how to open the tunnel, I saw some stuff from when they opened the Vault and went and explored around the area. You should be safe enough, the radiation has dropped considerably. But be careful, he has pictures of these huge ants. Ants, Esther, which looked like they came up to my knee!"

She turned around to see me shaking, with tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Oh my God," she ran over and grabbed me again. "I know it's horrible but, Esther, you can't stay here. You know what will happen to you." She kissed my forehead, "Don't you understand? At least out there you'll still be alive and human, not some animal some sex slave."

I nodded, "I know, but I never wanted to leave the Vault; that was always you. I liked it here, remember?"

She looked at me sadly, "Yeah, but we need to get moving. My dad will be back any minute."

She ran back to the computer, pushed something on the keyboard and came back over to me, taking my hand.

There was some grinding of mechanical equipment and slowly his desk rose in the air and slid back, while an opening appeared in the floor underneath. Through the opening was a set of stairs to a short corridor that ended in a standard Vault door. Holding my hand tightly, Amata went down the stairs. At the bottom, she turned and slapped a button on the wall, and I looked back and saw the desk sliding back into place.

"Weird, isn't it?" she said, just like we were exploring when were younger. "Why would they make something like this unless they knew we were going to rebel eventually?"

We followed the corridor around and it opened up into the front entrance to the Vault, some place Amata and I had been to many times, but only to look. To my left was the Vault Door, that huge gear that kept the world out. And us in. We walked into the large chamber and I stood looking at the door, while Amata reached over and flicked some switches on a control box nearby.

A muted yellow light started rotating and a loud alarm blared; there was the sound of more gears groaning and grinding and a metal arm slid forward and latched on to the middle of the Vault Door. It clicked into place and suddenly the room was filled with the loudest screech I'd ever heard in my life, drowning out the sound of the alarm; I placed my hands over my ears, shrieking in protest myself.

When it finally stopped, Amata spun me around in another hug, "Goodbye, Esther, please remember I will forever love you."

She pushed me away, "Get going! You're looking for the town of Megaton; I don't know where it is, but I think its close by."

There were voices on the other side of the interior door, and I could hear them fiddling to open it up. I didn't want to get caught again so I turned and ran through the Door opening, into a dark cave. I looked back just as Amata had flicked a switch to close the Door, and two Security Officers burst through behind her. The Vault Door rolled shut with the same squealing noise as before only this time ending in a dull final sounding thud.

I turned and looked down the cave and saw a rickety wooden door and slowly walked toward it.


	2. The New Wastelander

**Springvale**

I pulled open the door and stepped outside, for the first time in my nineteen years. The light was so bright pain went shooting through my eyes into the back of my head. I cried out and closed them tightly as I staggered forward; tripping on something on the ground, and falling forward on to my hands and knees. Opening my eyes and looking up, the pain slowly receded and my vision cleared. I saw the Washington DC skyline; something I had only ever seen in books and magazines from the Vault library. It didn't look at all the way I expected; it looked broken and ruined.

My eyes, already tearing from the light of the sun, flowed with pent up anguish of almost three years of abuse, the fact that my father abandoned me to a fate he had to be aware of without saying a thing and rushing through the Vault to escape a horrible fate. I leaned back against the rough wooden door and slowly slid to the ground, crying uncontrollably. My breath came in great sobs as I struggled to breathe through my tears. All I could think about was the hopelessness of the situation; everything I had ever known was gone. My depression and loneliness were so great I briefly thought of Mr. Almodovar's sweaty body above me. I cried so hard and so long that I fell asleep. When I awoke with a start, I noticed that the sun had moved in the sky.

Still sniffling, I stood up, wiped the dust off my rear and looked around. The Washington DC skyline looked brutal in its destruction. I was well aware of the war from what I had been taught, but I was not prepared for this. I don't think there was a single building that was not crumbling in some way. The terrain around me looked dull brown and gray; dusty, empty and dead. I could see patches of green scraggly grass making an attempt at growing back, but it wasn't the vibrant, beautiful color I'd been expecting, like on the farming levels in the Vault; it was a pale, faded color, which looked like it was clinging desperately to life.

In front of me there was a path leading down. It took me several minutes to work up the courage to start moving; the ceiling was so far above my head that there wasn't even a hint of it. I smiled weakly at that thought; it wasn't a ceiling, it was the sky. I forced myself to look up and watched the clouds moving slowly; I'd read about them hundreds of times, but not until that moment did I truly understand what a cloud was. Slowly, I slid my feet forward, more scared than I had ever been of anything in my entire life.

I reached a slight bend in the path, and turning saw another, different path, made of broken pieces of dark stone. I reached the bottom of the little hill and carefully stepped on to one of the pieces; it was twice as wide as I was tall, and there were some faint yellow and white lines on it. From the books and magazines I'd read, I realized it was an old road.

To the right, the road trailed off in the distance and there was a structure with a thin platform on top of tall pillars; it looked frighteningly empty that direction. To my left, the road went straight and then turned and along it was a couple of motorcars, and in the distance I could see the shattered remains of wooden buildings. I turned left and started walking. I stopped by each of the motorcars as I passed them and looked inside the broken windows with amazement. They were completely destroyed, but I was able to sit in the seats that looked out the front. They were filled with controls and gauges that seemed so complicated but exciting. I touched the cracked, broken glass of the control panel with sadness, thinking of how much they had thrown away starting their war.

Sitting in the small one, I opened my bag and took out the bottle of tequila, still in shock. Putting my legs outside of the motorcar, I looked back down the road to the broken town of Megaton as I drank. Clearly no one had lived there for quite some time. What was Amata thinking? Was she lying to get me out of there?

I grimaced, caustically, "How typical; now where do I go?"

All the garbage and debris strewn about, thousands of pieces of paper, old bottles and cans, tires, broken chunks of wood and metal were a visual testimony to the wasted lifestyle of the Prewar United States; I finished off the bottle and dropped it on the ground, one more wasn't going to affect anything. I stood up and started walking back down the road.

Some kind of music came from down the road and I dropped to my knees in terror, sliding around to the other side of an oddly shaped blue box. Peering around it, I reached into my bag and pulled out the gun Officer Gomez had given me. In the distance, I could dimly make out a sphere floating down the road in my direction, making music. I pointed the gun at it, shaking so badly it was banging into the side of the box with a clanging noise.  
The sphere was talking but I couldn't make out all of the words; it seemed to be talking about baseball. I was confused by that but it kept coming closer and closer. Panicking I trained the gun on it, waiting to see what it would do. It came closer so I fired, squeezing the trigger over and over until the thing exploded sending pieces of metal into the box but none into me, thankfully. I turned around and sank to the ground shaking more than before.

I pulled my knees up and dropped the gun between my feet. Lowering my head, I sobbed for several minutes; I couldn't do this. Finally, I stood up wiping my nose; there was nothing I could do about it now, I couldn't go back only forward. I grabbed the gun, and went back in front of the box, looking down the road to see if there were any more of those things threatening me.

It was all clear, so I started walking again. I passed the remains of a building on my left, and stepped up the broken walk to it, looking curiously. I looked over my shoulder and saw another one across the street, as well as one on the same side right next door. I realized these must be houses and I stepped over the threshold, feeling excited but a little guilty; like I was breaking and entering.

The floor of the house had disintegrated to dust, and the walls and ceiling were long gone. I found it odd though, that the frame of the house was still standing, and when I knocked on one of the beams, it seemed solid. Wandering around through the various rooms I tried to imagine what it must have been like. This was the closest I was ever likely to get to see a real house which I had read about thousands of times. The only piece of furniture was an old, broken cabinet with the doors falling off, and the bottom drawer missing.

I pulled open one of the doors, and it came off in my hand; startled I skipped back and the shifting weight caused the entire thing to fall apart at my feet. Laughing, I looked down and saw something sparkly in the dirt; it turned out to be a bottle of something. Unscrewing the cap, I smelled a very strong alcohol; I could dimly make out the word Scotch on the bottle's label. My head was swimming from the tequila, so I just put it in my bag.  
I searched the remaining houses and found a bunch of trash and seemingly useless items; plates, silverware, knickknacks. I had no way of knowing what was going to be useful so I bagged it all. In one home, I found the remains of a refrigerator and inside it, several boxes and cans of old food. I shoved it all in the bag as well, not tempted to eat anything. Each house had a mailbox in front of it, and when I looked inside them, they all had mail. Always useless garbage, but one of them had a letter from Vault-Tec declining entrance to Vault 101. At the same time that I was struck by the history of it, I thought of my time in the Vault.

"You were better off out here, Mr. and Mrs. Roberts," I dropped the letter and moved on.

I was passing the last house on the right, when I looked up and saw two valises sitting on the front stoop; something we never used in the Vault. I walked up and sat down pulling one to me. I stopped and looked around startled by a feeling on my legs, and watched as my dress ruffled around; in nineteen years living in the Vault I had never experienced wind in my life. It occurred to me, despite the broken town I was sitting in, how nice it was outside. I couldn't easily look up into the sky yet, it was just too vast and frightening but the weather was nice and warm; it was always slightly cold in the Vault, but something we grew up with and I never thought about until that moment.

I focused back on the case; it was much lighter than I expected. I examined the latches and figured out how to open it but it was empty. I checked the other one and found a funny shaped metal object with a cord attached to it; the cord looked like it might be for electricity but it didn't look like the ones we used in the Vault. I looked around and reexamined the wasted town; electricity could not possibly still exist out here, so I dropped it on the ground.  
I decided to use the valise instead of the bag; when I got all my stuff in it there was plenty of left over room, even for the bag itself. I closed and latched it, and stood picking it up. It didn't occur to me until later that I had made a serious, near fatal mistake. Thinking on it now, as I'm telling you this, I wonder how the hell I ever made it; I was, without question, the most inexperienced person to set foot outside a Vault. Thanks to Mr. Almodovar, I had one usable skill, and that certainly wasn't going to help me out here.

The road I was on branched off into two different directions, left and right; straight ahead was a giant red rocket. Excitedly, I hurried over to it; now this was something I understood, or could pretend I did, science-fiction was my favorite thing to read. I put my case down, and went forward to look more closely. I had no idea what this was, but it had nothing to do with space travel; standing underneath the struts, there wasn't anyway to get up to the cockpit and looking at it closely, it wasn't even big enough to hold anybody. Dejectedly, I went back and got my case and walked to the road that had been going right originally, now left. Almost immediately, my mood improved; right in front of me was a hand-painted sign that said Megaton with an arrow pointing up a broken road; I breathed a deep sigh of relief and quickened my pace around the bend.

When I turned along the road, looking between some hills, I had my first view of Megaton. It was the oddest sight I had ever seen in nineteen years; possibly even to this day. It looked like huge layers of thin metal sheets had been attached to a metal frame. From where I was, it looked like there was a gigantic fan sitting above what I hoped was the opening. Nervous, but excited, I strode forward.

As I approached, I saw three men, one of them sitting cross-legged on the ground eating something from a bowl; the other two stood on either side of him with weapons in hand. Behind them was one of those weird two-headed oxen Amata and I had seen all those years ago. Out here in the sunlight, munching on the dried grass, it looked less frightening than it did in the Vault. When I got closer, I smelled his food and realized I hadn't eaten in a long time. I looked the three men up and down; they were clearly unwashed and probably stank, but I was hungry enough that I'd pay the price if I had to. I was still unsure of the food I'd found in the old refrigerator.

"My name is Esther," I said softly, my eyes on the bowl in his lap. "Is that Megaton over there?"

They were watching me closely to see what I would do but when I spoke so shyly, they noticeably relaxed. The seated man saw that I was staring at his food; looked down at the bowl, back at me and then pushed it toward me. He motioned for me to sit on the ground with him.  
"My name is Wolfgang and I am at your service," he said with an accent that was quite a bit different than what we had in the Vault; fully understandable, just not at all what I had expected. Who was I fooling? I had no idea what to expect, period. He offered his hand. I looked warily at the three of them and finally inwardly shrugged my shoulders; it was either going to be another nightmare, or it wouldn't be, I had no way of knowing and no way to protect myself in any case. I sat on the ground and shook his hand.

He pointed at the bowl of food, "Please, help yourself; you look like you could use a little meat on your bones." I grabbed the bowl and started scooping the food into my mouth with my fingers. It was some kind of stew made with a meat I couldn't identify and vegetables that didn't look familiar; easily the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten in my life. In between bites, I looked nervously at the three men; Wolfgang was watching me in some surprise but the other two were ignoring me and kept an eye on the surrounding area. I finished the stew, scraping every bit out of the bowl and licked my fingertips off. I looked back at Wolfgang, sighed deeply and pushed myself to my knees.

"What do I owe you?" I asked, looking resignedly down.

He seemed surprised but quickly answered, "Nothing at all, Young Miss, nothing at all." He reached up and patted my shoulder, "Sit back down and we can talk about what's in your case, if you're willing to sell." He spread his arms wide, "I'm a trader, Young Miss, trading caps for crap!"

I frowned in confusion, I certainly wasn't going to pass up a free meal but in my experience it just didn't work that way; I was a little worried about how he would make me pay later.

"What's 'caps'?" I asked.

He looked startled, and frowned in confusion himself, "Don't know what a cap is? Where, exactly, are you from, Young Miss?"

I looked nervously into his eyes and thought briefly about making up a story; I hadn't the slightest clue what life was like out here so anything I was likely to make up would sound absurd and unrealistic.

"I had to…. I left the Vault near here," I said, sitting back on the ground. "I've never been anywhere else." I winced when I said that; I might as well rape myself and plunge a knife into my own chest.

"Ah, Vault 101! Never been there, myself. Well, I don't know what they use in the Vault, but out here the currency is Caps; bottle caps specifically. Since the war, nobody is producing… well, anything anymore, and these turned into an easy to carry alternative to pre-war currency."  
I nodded my head trying to pretend I was more worldly than I was.

"And here, Young Miss is where I can help you out! Welcome to Crazy Wolfgang's traveling junk store; the Depot of Detritus, the Shop of Slop, and the Caravan of Crap. What odds and ends can I, the Craziest of all possible Wolfgangs offer to or relieve from, you?"

I opened my valise and started pulling things out of it, "I have no idea what I should or should not keep. Can you help me?" I was afraid that might be a mistake, but he had so far seemed almost oblivious.

"Young Miss, nothing would please me more than help the proverbial damsel in distress."

I picked things up that I thought I didn't need and handed them to him; he kept a running tally of caps in his head. I had an understanding of what money was, but this wasn't something we used in the Vault, so I had no idea of the value of one cap. It struck me that he was giving me too much though; 7 caps for a bent and rusty spoon, fork and knife that I just found in Springvale?

I handed him the gun Officer Gomez had given me and all the ammo. He pushed it back into my hands, "No, No, Young Miss; this is probably the most essential item you have in your possession. Your life would be sustainable without any of the items you have given me thus far, but becomes meaningless without a weapon." He took it and showed me how to take it apart and clean it, and do some minor repairs.

"When you are an adequate shot with this noble device, you would be considered a Wasteland Survivor if you were to get a larger bore, speedier fire weapon," he placed it back in my hands.

"Now these," he picked up my mother's black dress, "Ah, such finery will fetch a nice price here in the Waste." I frowned, and snatched it back putting it up to my face.

"Sentimentality has no value, Young Miss; please forgive, I meant not to intrude," he said with a mournful look.

I'm sorry… they were gifts from my mother… she… I never met her," I folded the dress up and put it back in my valise.

"Not an issue, Young Miss, not a thing. Will that be all that this unworthy can do for such a Great Lady as yourself this fine afternoon?"

I looked puzzled, and he added, "Are you done?"

For the first time in a long time, I laughed, "Yes, Crazy Wolfgang, I am done." I almost gave him a hug but caught myself and stuck out my hand instead. He smiled and returned my handshake. He counted out 57 caps and placed them in a bag, looking me up and down he fished back in one of his containers and found a belt. Stringing the bag on the belt he handed it back to me.

"A gift for the Charming Young Miss and with that I pack my bags, load up the trusty steed and set my faithful guardians into motion. Au Revoir, Zai Jian and Hasta la Vista," he took my hand and kissed it; I blushed fiercely red, no one in my life had ever kissed my hand. He bent over and started packing and I put the belt on and grabbed my case, heading for the front gate of Megaton. As I approached closer, I saw one of the old style robots standing guard.

"Welcome, To, Megaton, Partner," it said, hesitantly as I got closer. "Watch, Your, Head." I warily looked around when suddenly a loud roaring noise erupted from over the door. I shrieked and dropped to the ground, terrified. The sound went on for several minutes, and I finally stopped quivering long enough to realize it was a huge motor controlling the doors. I stood and glanced up seeing a man standing high over the gate with a long rifle in his hand and a large grin on his face.

"Ya a-ight?" he called out when the motor finally stopped and the doors were open.

I nodded embarrassed and headed on in the opening to a smaller inner door. I ducked my head and went inside for my first view of what I thought at the time was going to be my permanent home.

**Megaton**

The entire place seemed to be constructed of dirty, rusted metal; metal walls, metal steps, metal boards strung across metal roadways. It had the appearance of being slapped together over time, as needed. The entrance was at the top of a high hill with walkways going off in different directions. Down at the bottom of the hill, it looked like there was a tiny lake with a large boat stuck in the middle of it.

Coming up the hill towards me was a tall, dark man dressed in some clothes that I'd seen in a couple of the movies in the Vault; a long coat, tall cowboy hat, jeans like the one's my mother had given me and boots.

"Well, I'll be damned," he drew out his vowels making each word take much longer than it needed to be. "Another new comer!"He put his fingers to the brim of his hat, "Name's Lucas Simms, town sheriff. Welcome to Megaton!"

I stuck out my hand, "Thank you, Sir, my name is Esther Levine."

He smiled, taking my hand and shaking it tightly. "I think we're gonna get along just fine. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Yes, Sir; I just left… the Vault nearby. I'm not sure what to do."

"Left the Vault? Vault 101?" I nodded. "Good for you, can't stay cooped up forever; people need to get out and live life, even if it is a bit dangerous. Check the common room for a place to sleep, but I think that might be full; other than that I can't really help you."

"Ok, can you tell me what's around or should I just wander and look at the sights?"

He smiled again, "I don't know about sights worth seeing." He chuckled and hooked his thumbs in his belt.

He nodded his head to my right, "Up here to my left is the Water Processing; Walter almost certainly could use a hand; you know your way around tools, he'd be your man."

He turned, put his arm around my shoulders and pointed down the hill, "Down below we got the Brass Lantern for quick in-out grub and across the way a bit is Nucleare Cucina, best damn pizza and pasta place you'll ever find." He pronounced the second restaurant name in a very strange way.  
He turned back and looked me in the face, "I mean that literally; don't reckon nobody even knows what that is anymore." He guffawed loudly.

"Up a bit from there is the Church of Atom; they ain't hiring, they're a church, a bit crazy if you ask me, but it's not my call." He rolled his eyes.  
"Oh, we also got Moriarty's Saloon," he shook his head, "Don't go in there unless you're looking to get drunk or…." He looked me up and down out of the corner of his eye. "Or do some other stuff."

I realized then that everyone was just assuming I was an innocent little girl. I tried to imagine the reception I'd have gotten if he'd known exactly what kind of a girl I was in the Vault.

"On the top levels we got Craterside Supply and The Mall; Craterside sells just about anything of any quality and The Mall mostly sells clothes," he finished up.

"Next to the bomb is Doc Church's clinic; he's a right nasty one he is, tear your head off just for looking at him, but if you got the skill with medicine, he can always use you. In between the clinic and the Church is our generator and fuel production," he said proudly. I looked at him questioningly.  
"The fuel is alcohol based and we got plenty of that and the know-how to make more; we use it for the generator which powers every single building here in Megaton. We tried to put it out of the way; it's a noisy beast." He smiled broadly at me and dropped his arm, "So, what do you think? Got any questions?"

"Wait, what? Did you say 'next to the bomb'? Who would build a town around a bomb?"

"It's not like the place was put up over night," he answered with a smile. "Megaton's been here for a couple hundred years; started with the people trying to get into the Vault. When that didn't work out, they set up homes around the crater. Some of 'em started worshipping the thing; now we've got a whole damn Church. By now, most people don't care or don't think it's active. Me? I'm just biding my time."

"Don't you think someone should disarm that thing?" I asked.

"I don't trust any of the locals to tinker with it. And hell, it's the Church's Holy Relic. Why? Do you think you got the know-how to disarm it? For good?" He was rather surprised.

One thing I'd learned before working for Mr. Almodovar was not to be afraid to dig in and try to fix things; that seemed to be most of the work, taking it apart and remembering how it all went back together.

"Well, Sir, I could take a look at it if you like. I learned an awful lot of repair work in the Vault; I might be able to help you out."

"Esther, if you can do that, I'd be mighty appreciative and throw you 100 caps besides."

"Alright then, it's a deal. But I won't say anything just in case I can't. I wouldn't want to get anyone's hope up."

"Deal," he held out his hand and we shook on it.

"Well, back to work, Miss, nice talking to you," He put his fingers to the brim of his hat again and strolled off.

I looked down the high hill and the metal steps, took a deep breath and started walking down. The place was filthy in comparison to the Vault, and seemed to be in disrepair; one of the pipes had a severe leak and I had to slide over to the far side of the steps to avoid getting drenched. A group of kids were playing in the water, screaming and splashing each other. They stopped and stared at me as I went by, but none of them said a thing; I didn't know what to do or say to them, I'd never been comfortable around children.

Reaching the bottom of the hill, I shook my head looking at what I had thought was a boat in a small pond; the undetonated nuclear bomb. Even if it didn't happen overnight, why would anybody build a town around a bomb? That made absolutely no sense to me and to tell the truth, still doesn't, seventy-five years later. I could hear the generator clearly now, but whatever they had done muffled the sound quite a bit.

My stomach was still growling, so I looked left at The Brass Lantern. On the outside there was an open air bar with an overhang to protect from the rain and behind that a refrigerator, a door to the inside and a woman; there was an open seat at the bar, so I sat down next to a man who got up and left almost immediately after that; I don't know if it was coincidence or not.

I looked at the woman behind the counter; she was a little shorter than me with blonde hair and wearing a yellow jumpsuit. I had no idea how old she was, every one looked so much older out here.

"Now, I know I've never seen you before. I'm Jenny Stahl and welcome to the Brass Lantern," she said.

"Thanks, I'm Esther Levine. I was wondering if you had anything to eat. I can pay," I asked.

"I sure do, I can't say that it's fresh but it is edible," she laughed and handed me a hand-written piece of paper with a bunch of stuff on it; Squirrel Stew, Iguana Bits, Cram, it went weirder from there.

I looked up puzzled, "Um… I don't know, what's good?"

Jenny frowned jokingly at me, "What's good? Put like that, nothing!"

I blushed, "No, no! I mean, I… um… just got out of the Vault near here; I have no idea what to eat, we didn't really get a huge choice and nothing was called by these names."

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "Vault 101, how exciting! What was it like?" She took the menu and went into the refrigerator; pulling something out, she bent down over her side of the counter and I heard something slam and a buzzing noise. I leaned over the edge of the counter and looked down.

"You have a microwave? How did you get one of those?"

"We've got our own Moira Brown; she is a genius with repair," she said. The microwave made a beeping noise and she took out whatever it was and put it on the counter in front of me; it was pieces of meat and different kinds of vegetables on a stick.

"Enjoy! Anyway, how did you like living in the vault? Why did you leave?" She leaned back against the wall right across from me.

I pulled off a piece of meat and put it in my mouth, surprised at how delicious it was; either that or I was just starving to death.

"Well, I've only lived there my whole life so I don't know anything else; it was alright, I guess but I decided to get out of there." I ate some more of the meal she cooked, "How much do I owe you?"

She smiled broadly, "Consider it a 'Welcome to Megaton' gift!" She leaned back against the wall of the building. "So, what were you planning on doing?" she asked.

"Well, unless you need help here, I was going to wander around and see if anyone could use a hand."

She grimaced, "I wish I could help you, I really do. But this is a family business run by me and my two brothers. Walter could probably use a hand though."

I thanked her and we talked a bit more while I finished up the meal before standing up. "Thank you so much, Jenny," I said. "Wish me luck!"

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more help," she placed her hand on mine.

I shrugged, "That's alright, at least the food is really good." I smiled to show there were no hard feelings at all, and she laughed. "You're going to going to make a good liar, Woman!"

For the rest of the day, I wandered around Megaton trying to find a job. Nucleare Cucina was another family business run by Rupert Biggs and his wife Deirdre; they had four children all under ten helping them to the best of their ability. They were a very friendly bunch, but just barely making it as it was. I thanked them and Rupert told me he'd keep an eye out. Doctor Church had no work at the clinic and neither did The Mall but the woman there didn't seem even remotely surprised that I was from the Vault.

"Oh, sure," she answered when I asked her about it. "We see your people here all the time." She raised her head to think, sucking on her lip; her name was Tabitha. I looked at her with skepticism.

"Some guy name… hmm… Alvin? Aloysius? I can't remember, but he came in probably two weeks ago and bought... some… racy underclothing," she blushed. My mouth dropped open and I involuntarily started gasping for air. Tabitha came around the counter and started pounding me on the back and offered water. Everything I'd ever thought I knew fell apart; not only was Mr. Almodovar lying, he himself had left the Vault. I stared at Tabitha like she was a monster.

I turned and ran from the building, wandering the streets of Megaton in a daze. I took out my bottle of scotch and took a long drink, my mind racing over the deception of the Overseer. How long had he been leaving the Vault? Was it just him? Tabitha had said she'd seen my people all the time. Why would he lie? Why would he want to control us all so completely?

It was light out when I left The Mall, but when I finished off the last of my scotch it was dark; only the lights from the town to guide me and stop me from falling over the railing. I stumbled over to the edge and dropped the empty bottle over the railing watching it fall. It landed on top of another roof and shattered, I watched in amazement; we had a couple of open railings like this in the Vault but they were only a story high, Amata and I had known boys to jump over them and land on the floor unhurt. This one had to be at least fifty feet up, maybe more.

I looked around drunkenly and saw Moriarty's; from what the Sheriff had said I knew I could get more alcohol and fortified by my scotch, I pushed open the door and went inside. It was much brighter inside than out, and I stood in the doorway for a few minutes, squinting my eyes waiting for them to adjust. Like entering a saloon in one of the old movies in the Vault, everyone stopped talking and even though I couldn't see any faces yet, I knew they were all looking at me.

When I could finally see, I looked around the room. To the left were stairs going up, but I couldn't tell to what; next to the stairs on the floor and over to my right were several tables scattered around, straight in front of me was a bar. The diner in the Vault had a bar with stools in it, so I knew what to do; although there nothing stronger than a milk shake was ever served. There were several people at the tables or bar, all alone.

I moved toward the bar to take a seat when a person walked out from a backroom. I bit back a scream and looked around terrified; nobody else seemed to be reacting so it had to be expected. The person had the most hideous face I had ever seen in my life; it looked like the skin was peeling off and I could see the red muscles underneath. The hair was beyond thinning, it was several single scraggly strands of an indeterminate color. I forced myself to go to the bar and picked a stool to sit down on putting my case on the floor under my feet. The two other people at the bar looked up at me, nodded and then went back to their drinks.

"I've never seen you before, Smoothskin; what can I get you to drink?" he ground out in a gravelly voice. He picked up a glass and started wiping it with a dirty cloth.

As drunk as I was, I quickly overcame my revulsion, "Um...," my head swayed. "I'm not sure; I've only had what was in the Vault." Even I could tell I was slurring my words; the bartender made a grimacing face but I couldn't tell if it was a smile or he was angry or what.

He cringed and looked at me oddly, "What? You're not gonna hit me or berate me or anything?"

"No, I hadn't planned on it," I answered.

"Well, I've never had that happen before," he looked around and quickly poured a large glass full of some brown liquid. "It's on me, but don't tell anyone," he whispered. I took the glass, raised it to him and took a deep drink and immediately started coughing. I managed to swallow without spitting any out.

"Good, eh?" he said laughing. I looked at the other two at the bar and saw them smiling as well.

"What is that stuff?"

"House Special, I don't know what's in it and we probably don't want to."

I drank some more, unsure of what to say but he covered for me, "You're from the Vault? We see your people quite a bit out here but they always look like kids making trouble."

I frowned remembering why I was getting drunk to start with and then smiled up at him and shrugged.

"You don't, Miss, you look more like… a runaway," he nodded and walked away to see if the other two at the bar needed anything.  
When he came back, I'd finished half of the glass he gave me and was drunk enough to blurt out a question, "What happened to you?" Immediately, I realized what I'd said and was embarrassed, well as embarrassed as a drunk can be.

Rather then be insulted, he answered, "Got caught in a radiation blast during the war." He laughed as my eyes bugged out at him. "Yes, Miss, I am that old; name's Gob." He offered his hand and I shook it telling him my name.

"You can't… I mean… two hundred years? There's no way," I stammered.

He laughed again, "Yeah, it can but really how can I prove it to you?"

I smiled finally and shrugged, "You're right. Why did it happen?"

"Nobody knows, and the ones that would be most likely to be able to figure it out are long dead."

"I'm sorry, does it bother you?"

"Nah, apart from working for that jag-off, it's alright," he jerked his thumb over his shoulder; I looked around him but there was no one there. I figured I was either too drunk to see the person, or he was in a different room. I started laughing at the word "jag-off."

"What does that even mean?" I giggled helplessly. The alcohol was finally improving my mood. We talked for most of the night with him leaving every so often to serve the other customers. After another glass, which I paid for, I told him about being lied to my entire life and he listened sympathetically but really never commented.

Several hours and seven large glasses of the House Special later, there were two of Gob swimming in front of my eyes and I asked him to point me in the direction of the Common Room. He put down the glass he was washing, looked around the room and walked about halfway with me himself.  
"See that door there, Esther?"

I nodded drunkenly not really seeing any door. He realized that and walked me all the way there, even opening the door for me.

"Thanks," I slurred, "I owe you." He just grunted and turned around and left. I stumbled in the dimly lit room; there were several beds along both walls and to my right was a set of stairs up. As I moved further in the room, I saw some beds stacked on each other against the far wall. Every single one of the beds was full, just like Sheriff Simms had said. I was turning to go up the stairs and see if there was something when I heard somebody whisper loudly.

"Looking for a place to sleep?" it said. I turned and saw a man leaning on his elbow holding the blanket up. Inwardly I knew it was a bad idea, but as drunk as I was I really didn't care; I just wanted to go to sleep.

"Sure," I staggered over to him, dropped my case on the floor and crawled in next to him. Almost immediately, he started kissing me; I fell asleep while he was pulling my underwear off.

In the morning, I was awakened by him once again having sex with me; the alcohol combined with his sweaty, stinking body rolled my stomach so badly I turned my head and vomited on the floor. He never stopped, just pushed up on his arms and looked in my face. I groaned in pain and lay my head back closing my eyes, waiting for it to be over. My first night in Megaton.

When he was finished, he stood up, said 'thanks' and left; I slowly got out of bed and cleaned myself off in the communal Woman's room, changing into another of the dresses my mother had given me. I was still feeling nauseous and not just from the alcohol when I remembered something Mr. Almodovar taught me indirectly; you do what you have to, to survive. I still needed a job and I hadn't been to Craterside Supply yet, so I headed up there. The owner, Moira Brown, almost leaped over the counter at me; she was so excited to see someone from one of the Vaults she couldn't contain herself.

"I'm writing a book and a forward from a new Wastelander, former Vault Resident would be perfect! What do you say? Have any words of wisdom to share?" she said, excitedly. She was, without doubt, the most upbeat, cheerful person I'd ever met. Not only out here, but in my life; people in the Vault just weren't that fun to be around.

I thought about what to tell her, embarrassed by her stare, pen and notebook in hand, ready to write down my every word.

"How about my first impression when I stepped outside for the first time in nineteen years?"

"That would be perfect; I've lived here my whole life, so I can't imagine what it would be like."

I remembered the searing pain shooting through my eyes into my skull, the desolation of the broken, dusty brown landscape, the sadness at what the Prewar Governments had thrown away.

"The thing that surprised me the most," I told her, "was how vast everything was. I'm used to living with a ceiling four feet over my head and to see the sun and sky for the first time was, still is, boggling."

"Oh that's good, maybe I can change it into a bit of humor if you don't mind. 'You wouldn't believe how tough it is to change that big light bulb, either.' How's that?"

I smiled and nodded. She wrote something down in her notebook, and then turned back to me.

"Say! The book I'm writing; it's about... well, I'm going to call it The Wasteland Survival Guide; guess what it's about?" she laughed. "I could really use some help doing the research since I can't really get out all that much," she shrugged looking around her store.

"You want me to work for you?" I asked excitedly.

"Well, that's the most enthusiastic response I've ever gotten and you don't even know what you'll be doing!" She motioned me to follow her and we went into the back of the store, and up to where she lived.

Kicking some clothes and assorted junk out of the way, she motioned to a chair and sat in another one, "The research can be kind of dangerous, but I really want this book to be helpful to people." I nodded.

"The first chapter is going to be about general dangers, how to prevent from getting hurt, and such."

"What a great idea, Miss Brown! I only wish you had it now so I could use it to help me out," I said.

"Moira, please! I know, right? You'll learn a lot just helping me."

"Ok, deal. What do you need me to do first?"

"Well, I want to cover the hazards of radiation, where to find food and medicine and lastly, some of the pre-war hazards and how to avoid or negate them." She smiled widely, showing surprisingly clean teeth; no one else had such shiny white ones. "What do you want to do first?"

I thought about it for a few minutes looking first at Moira and then down at the floor. I had no idea what the 'hazards of radiation' involved, but the others almost certainly meant leaving Megaton; that flying thing was more than enough for me.

"What does the radiation thing involve?"

She looked embarrassed, "I kind of want you to... um... get soaked in some serious radiation."

I felt my eyes bug out and my mouth fell open, "What?"

"No, no!" she said, waving her hands in the air between us. "Not in a... bad... well, ok, it could be bad but hear me out!" She took a deep breath, "You see I've been working on this stuff to help reduce and eliminate radiation. I've only been able to test it out on rats and things from the wasteland, but I don't really know how good that is. Those guys are born so loaded up with radiation we get burned just looking at them."

"So, you want me to get radiation poisoning so you can see if your stuff works?"

"Yeah," she nodded enthusiastically, "it would be such a big help and imagine all the people you'd be helping out!" She took my hand, "What do you say?"

"What... um... what if it doesn't work?"

"Well... you can't think like that. I'm pretty sure it does, I mean those creatures weren't ghouls, they're real animals; flesh and blood like you and me."  
I hesitated, "Sure, I guess I can do that."

"Oh, that's so wonderful, aren't you a peach!" she shrieked, hugging me. "Now, the more radiation the better; a good strong dose will prove to everyone that this works, and then I can get busy mass producing it!"

I felt a little uncomfortable lying to her; I really had no intention of getting myself zapped with radiation, I didn't even know how I would go about it. We walked back downstairs, I said goodbye to Moira and left her shop. I wandered over to Water Processing to see if Walter needed any help. He was a friendly, older man and complained about some leaky pipes around the town. He just wanted me to look around and see if I could fix them; each one I fixed he'd give me a few caps.

I was so excited I started looking immediately. This was an excellent first job; I got to go all over the town and investigate everything, met a bunch of the residents and was helpful besides. I found several large leaks that looked like they might be causing problems. Walter was ecstatic and gave me enough money to eat for a couple of days. He told me to come back tomorrow and see about fixing more.

I thanked him and went back to the Common Room. The man I'd slept with the previous night wasn't there, and sober I really had no intention of doing that again. In fact, the room was empty, so I hurried up the stairs to avoid getting entangled with anyone. There were only tables and chairs up there, but the third and top floor was like a storage area. There was an old sofa among the piles of other junk. I couldn't find a blanket or covering of any kind; I shivered most of the night but I didn't want to go downstairs and start that life over again.

**Reentry**

It took me about two weeks but I found all of the large leaks and the majority of smaller ones too. Finally, I'd fixed everything I could for Walter and since he didn't really have any money except for what the town gave him and some donations, he didn't have anything to pay me with.

"Thanks for your help, Esther; you can't believe how much I appreciate it," he looked down at the ground. "But I have to let you go. They don't pay me enough to hire anyone else. I could probably take you on every so often to fix things here and there," he finished hopefully.

"I understand, Walter," I awkwardly gave him a hug; I'd gotten to like him in the time I knew him. "I was just thinking of moving on myself," I said to make him feel better about firing me.

I made the rounds again with no luck. In the time I been out of the Vault, I heard of a job called scavving, short for scavenging; it was the act of digging through the wreckage to find things of value and sell them. It sounded like an easy job to me, so I grabbed my case and went back through the ruined town of Springvale.

The first few of days were pretty good, and kind of fun; I found many things in several of the houses and it was neat to try and imagine what life was like before the war. After the first day, I practically ran back to town so excited about my first real job. I'd become friends with Jenny and I ran to The Brass Lantern.

"Jenny," I shrieked at her, going behind the outdoor counter. "Guess what?"

She turned and looked at me a smile spreading across her face, "I can't even begin to imagine. Tell me right now!"

I laughed, "I went scavving for the first time, and look at all this stuff I found." I pulled things out of my valise, naming them if I knew, or questioning their value if not. "I didn't see Wolfgang outside though?"

She held up a bracelet putting it against her wrist, "Those guys move around a lot, Esther; they have a route they follow all around the Wasteland. Be back in about two weeks, probably."

I was more surprised to hear there was more than just Wolfgang; for some reason it never occurred to me that there would more than one guy that did that. Jenny offered me five caps for the bracelet she was playing with and I laughed again.

"I couldn't charge you anything, you're my friend! Take it!" I pushed her hands away.

"Esther! I can't take your stuff, you worked for it," she said.

"Nonsense, you gave me my first meal here in Megaton; let me repay it."

We talked for quite a bit longer and eventually Tabitha came down and joined us. In the short time I'd been in Megaton, these two had become good friends. I spent all of my time with them but I had never told either of them about the Overseer's lies. I still slept upstairs in the Common Room, although I had found a blanket; pride prevented me from asking if I could stay with one of them.

The fourth day of my scavving, I came across a house at the furthest end of Springvale that was in good condition; the walls were all still standing, it had a roof and the door was locked when I tried it. Puzzled by this, I walked along the wall checking for a way in, intending to go all the way around it to see if there was another door or a window; it appeared though that everything was boarded up.

As I was rounding the first corner, I heard the door open. Turning back, I saw an angry blond woman holding up a very frightening looking rifle, aimed right at me. Up until this point, with everything I'd gone through in the Vault, no one had ever pointed a gun at me.

"What the hell do you want?" she ground out in a gravelly voice.

I dropped my case and stuck my hands in the air, "Oh my God! Nothing! Please!"

She eyed me closely for a few minutes, "Who do you work for?"

"No one," I answered, "I'm just… um… scavving, I live over there." I pointed backwards toward Megaton.

She looked confused and then blurted out, "You're from Megaton? Did that bastard send you?"

"No!" I cried out, "Please, no one sent me. I'm just looking through… the town; I didn't know anyone lived here."

"You thought you were going to rob me, didn't you? What's in the case?"

"I never thought that, Ma'am, I swear it! I just have things… garbage really, that I found in some of the ruins around here."

She stared at me for a long time scrutinizing everything about me. "Well," she finally growled again, "You've got five seconds to get away from me or you won't have to worry about scavving ever again. If you tell anyone where I am I will hunt you down like a mole rat. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Ma'am," I squealed.

"Git," she spit out when I didn't move right away. I grabbed my valise and ran back to Megaton. It took me several days to go back out, and I never mentioned to anyone that I saw her; but I did meet her again, under different circumstances.

I finally worked my courage back up and went scavving again; I'd made a nice amount selling to all the traders, enough to feed and water me for a week, that I thought this was a job I could handle. Grabbing my valise, I steeled myself and headed once again out the gate.

The only things in my valise were my mother's clothes and the gun Officer Gomez had given me. Instead of heading to the left of Springvale where I met the scary woman, I headed right and eventually came to the remains of a larger, intact brick building. There was a large sign out front that identified it as the Springvale Elementary School.

"There's got to be some nice stuff in here," I said to myself as I walked toward it. Rather than just head in, I decided to walk around it like I had been doing at that woman's house; mostly to scout it out and see what lay around, but the truth is I was also extremely frightened and needed to work up my courage. I came around the corner and saw three people standing about fifty feet away from me.

Unfortunately, they saw me at the same time and two of them lifted their guns, pointing them at me while the third moved closer holding a baseball bat. At this point, you're probably thinking to yourself, why didn't you just pull out your gun and shoot? My gun wasn't out where I could grab it; it was closed up nice and tightly inside my case. I stood frozen too terrified to move, staring in horror at the three of them.

There were two men and a woman, the woman was coming toward me with the baseball bat. None of them had obviously bathed in, quite possibly, months; the stink rose off of them in an almost visible wave pushing into my face. All three of them had shaved their heads to grayish stubble; the men had shaved their faces to roughly the same length. The clothing instantly brought me back to the sewage level of the Vault, hiding underneath a pipe with Amata; her clothing was skimpy but functional, but the men were fully covered. The woman came closer, raising her bat to swing it at me. One of the men grabbed it and pulled back, pulling her off balance.

"What the hell are you thinking?" he screamed into her face. "Look at her! She'll fetch a nice price and 'sides me an' Skiv can use some new meat; you're getting kinda old." The other man just started laughing, lowering his gun and the first man let go of the bat and turned to face me.

That was his mistake and my salvation; apparently tired of the abuse she jumped back a step and swung the bat at the man who'd spoken, who was too busy sizing me up. She connected with the side of his head knocking him sideways into the other man, sending them both to the ground. She stepped forward and brought her bat down on the second man's skull, while the first one sat up holding his head and screaming. Without thought, I turned around, swung my case into my chest and ran as fast as I could. I didn't stop until I reached the front gate of Megaton; I heard two gunshots when I was halfway there, but I never looked back only pumped my legs faster. I got in the gate, slammed it closed behind me and slumped to the ground gasping for breath, whimpering over and over. I never set foot outside the gate by myself for over a year.

I continued to do a little bit of work for Walter, and the occasional odd job for various residents around the town. In all, I really only earned enough for perhaps two meals a week. I was getting desperate and had no idea how I was going to get money. About this time I met a man who also worked in the Water Processing plant. Often, I'd work there at night to get some things done for Walter when the water was least used around the town. Leo Stahl also worked nights, but he was more of a guard or in an emergency he would get Walter; the man really had no mechanical skills whatsoever. He was kind of cute though and we struck up a friendship, and eventually started dating. There wasn't a lot to do in Megaton on a date, and I found what Leo did to keep himself occupied. I was sitting on the desk in the office, my legs straddling Leo's while he sat in the chair, his hands on my waist.

"Here, try this," he said putting a small pill on my tongue. I'd never told him what kind of girl I was in the Vault and to be honest I was starting to miss the drugs; I'd never stopped drinking but there really was no comparison between getting drunk and getting high.

"What is it?" I asked, smiling innocently.

"This, Babe, is the door to a very large, very exciting world," he held my face in his hands and leaned closer. "Stick with me and it can all be yours." My head started swimming pleasantly, and I wasn't sure if it was the effect of Leo's kisses or the pill.

I let Leo lead me down the _rabbit hole_, another term he used to describe our recreational past time. He had no idea where it came from, but oddly enough I remembered reading it in a book back in the Vault. Over the next three weeks I dug myself back into addiction. Leo became more demanding and insisted that I 'pay' for the drugs. I cried after our first time; I truly liked Leo's company, but that was ruined forever.

I started to treat Leo more as a client than as a boyfriend. The time we spent together became an obligation to get what I wanted; food, drugs, alcohol and fresh water; in return, I'd give him what he wanted. I still saw Jenny and Tabitha on a regular basis. During one of our get-togethers, Jenny asked me point blank what I was doing.

"Don't get me wrong, Esther; he's my brother and I love him. But the guy is no good. What are you doing with him?"

I shrugged. "Food," I answered sheepishly. The two of them shook their heads and spent the next hour convincing me to dump him. I made up my mind, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I didn't think Leo would ever hurt me, but if I started denying him I didn't know what he'd do.

It turned out to be much easier dumping Leo than I expected. We just stopped seeing each other. He came around exactly twice and both times I said no, and that was it. What wasn't so easy was figuring out where to get money. Several days went by with no food and only irradiated water from the bathroom sink; I squeezed the last bit of Jet I had and decided to go to Water Processing and make it up to Leo. When I got there, he was passed out cold on the desk; I tapped him several times harder and harder but he never woke up.

My good fortune suddenly hit me like a brick, I staggered backwards before I rifled through his clothes pulling everything I could find out. I picked the lock on Walter's desk and ransacked it as well. I skipped out of there as quickly as I could, elated at my find and my new found money making opportunity. I kept myself floating and fed for a little over a month by stealing everything that wasn't nailed down. At first, I felt guilty, these were people I knew and dealt with every day. But it's easy to justify something if you're hungry. I sold what I stole to the traveling caravans; I didn't associate with any of them and it was easy enough to lie and tell them I found it all scavving. Food and drink, I bought from Jenny and Deirdre and drugs I got from Leo's contact, Silver, who turned out to be that scary woman I met in Springvale.

After a few weeks, the increase in theft was noticed and Sheriff Simms kept a tighter watch. I managed to avoid getting caught but this avenue of money making was drying up. Soon it stopped completely as people started to double or even triple lock their doors. Several days went by with no food and more importantly no drugs. Desperate, I went into the Brass Lantern to see if I could beg some food. After about an hour, I found someone; I sold a service to him in the backroom for a bottle of water and enough caps to buy me two meals.

Even though I was repulsed by my behavior and how easily I slipped back into the Vault habits, I couldn't complain that it was comfortable to have a full stomach. I attempted to deny it but after another two days without food, I put on one of my mother's dresses and went up to Moriarty's. I'd only been in there that one time. I sat at the bar and Gob came over almost immediately.

"Hey ya, Sweetie; long time no see," he rasped.

"Hi! I've been around but too embarrassed to come back here," I giggled.

"Oh, I've seen a lot worse, Esther," he laughed. "You were kind of cute… you know, for a Smoothskin."

"I'll take the same thing as last time."

The man next to me leaned closer, bumping my shoulder, "Here, let me get that for you."

I thanked him and Gob filled my glass sliding it toward me and then wandered off. The man next to me introduced himself as Bart, slapping some caps down on the counter.

"I'm Esther," I answered, smiling shyly at him. We ended up talking for two more drinks before he suggested we leave.

"Moriarty charges for these rooms by the hour," he said, taking my arm and helping me off the stool. "I've got a place here in town, why don't we go back there."

When we got to his place, he closed the door behind me and I brought up the topic of payment. His face clouded over and he slammed his fist in my stomach so violently that I doubled over throwing up; I fell to my hands and knees as my breath whooshed out and I struggled to pull in air.

He grabbed my hair tightly, wrenching my head painfully, "You'll get whatever I think you're worth; when I'm done."

After an interminable length of time, he dragged me out and dropped me on the metal plating in front of his home, naked, bruised and bleeding. He went back in and a few seconds later came back and threw my things next to me, with a laugh.

"You were alright, I guess," he scowled, tossing five caps on me. He stared at me for a minute and then pulled back his foot and kicked me in the side.

"It's customary to say thank you when someone gives you a compliment and a gift, especially when you don't deserve it." He kicked me one more time, and I groaned loudly, rolling on to my side.

"Thank you," I whispered weakly and blacked out.

Over the next ten months, I sold my body to countless men. Most of them weren't as violent as Bart, but the ones that were, were atrocious; it was as if they were making up for the weaker, less manly of their gender. I remember screaming in pain as I was punched several times in the face, breaking my nose. I remember crying and begging to be let go as my arms were wrenched behind me and tightly bound as I was forced to my knees and my face pushed into the floor. I wouldn't do what one man wanted and he punched me over and over, pushing me outside his house and finally shoving me over the railing of a high walkway; when I awoke I couldn't move the left side of my body.

Doc Church said I'd had a concussion and a stroke from the impact. My feeling and most movement eventually came back but I forever walked with a limp and the grip in my left hand was always much weaker. The stroke made me look like I was always frowning; coupled with the fracture in my nose, I just looked like an ugly, angry person.

The other memories I have from then all revolve around drug use. Once I looked into the sky after shooting something in my arm and saw the moon turn and start to eat the stars. I remember coming back to consciousness wandering behind the armory in a downpour; soaked completely through and pain in every part of my body. I remember leaving the empty Common Room one morning to find that the entire town of Megaton had been abandoned and yet I still heard voices.

The men and the sex continued to have the same meaning to me as it did in the Vault, a means to get what I needed. Most of them paid with barter rather than just gave caps outright; this kept me supplied in food and drugs but even still the overriding feeling I had was of hunger. The normal citizens avoided me if at all possible and every time I saw Sheriff Simms, he would just shake his head. I avoided my friends, Jenny and Tabitha and my shame grew deeper. The only way I knew to deal with it was through oblivion and uncaring bitterness.

I realized that Mr. Almodovar was actually keeping an eye on me in his own twisted method. I learned the use of the pills he had given me; I was pregnant twice. Both times, Doc Church aborted the baby with a lengthy admonishment and a promise from me that it wouldn't happen again. Three times he treated me for venereal disease with rough examinations and threatening to let me rot. Despite this, he still tried to get me to change my ways; quite often he would 'purchase' my services, only to have me sleep off my stupor alone in his recovery room and in the morning would be a pile of caps and some food.

I became good friends with Silver; well, as good as it can be with someone who is your drug supplier. Oddly enough, I also became friends with Nova, the prostitute from Moriarty's. Rather than get angry that I was stealing her business, she seemed relieved not to have to deal with as many customers; the one that was angry was Moriarty himself and he banned me from entering his bar hoping to keep Nova's business up. Of course, this didn't prevent him from purchasing my services; "to sample the competition" as he said. His beatings weren't as severe as others.

I was angry what had happened to me in the Vault. I despised what I had become and I was repulsed by allowing it to happen again. I was too cowardly to take the steps necessary to end it all. I wallowed in a never-ending stream of self-loathing.

**Recovery**

October 29th, 2278 I had just finished a very long, very hard day. I went to the woman's communal bathroom, taking my clothes off, intending to take a bath but I was too tired; I just lay down in the tub. I finished off my bottle of whiskey and dropped it over the side. Pulling out a syringe of something someone had given me, I injected it in my arm. Relaxing back in the tub, waiting for the effects of whatever I had taken, I squeezed my last inhaler of Jet down my throat and licked the last tab of acid.

I felt my heart beating and concentrating on it, felt my blood flowing through my veins. Looking down at my naked body, I saw tiny creatures scurrying out of me like roaches in sudden light. As I watched, my skin started to turn the color of ice; at first it was frosted crystal and I could dimly make out the inside of my body, but slowly it turned to a beautiful aqua blue. I was suddenly very cold and realized this was my body's way of shutting down; I thought that I wouldn't live through the night and with a smile, I leaned my head back and let my eyes close.

"Esther," I heard a woman's voice, "look at me." I ignored her.

I felt two hands on my face, "What happened to you, girl?"

My eyes flew open and I looked in horror into my mother's face. I gasped out, "Mom? Why are you here? Am I… gone?"

"Not yet, Sweetheart, but it'll be soon if we don't do anything about it." She reached down and took my hands, trying to pull me to my feet. "We need to get you to Doc Church."

I let her pull me out of the tub, but I was unable to stand properly and I slumped over her shoulder, tears flowing over her back. "I'm sorry," I said over and over again.

"I know, but you need to stop this and go out into the Waste," she whispered into my ear. "A lot of people need help and I know you can do it."

"Why me?" I cried. "I can't even help myself, how can I help anyone else?"

"You have a different view that isn't seen very often out here. Plus everything you've been through and done gives you a better perspective." She stepped back away from the tub, pulling me with her. "Come on, I don't think we have much time."

When she pulled me forward, my head swayed and I fell to the floor with a painful sound, my last thought was how sorry I was that I couldn't do what my mother wanted me to. I woke up in Doc Church's office, strapped tightly to one of the beds in his recovery room. I struggled harder and harder and finally let out a loud scream.

The doctor opened the door and stood away from me, "Awake, I see. Stop screaming, it won't get any better, and it'll probably only get worse."

"Let me out of here!" I screamed at him, continuing with some vile imprecations.

He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the door frame waiting for me to finish. When I finally wound down he started laughing, "Wow, that was the ugliest language I've heard in a long, long time. I'll bet you'd bring a blush to the raiders over at the school." He stepped closer to me and put his hands on my face, prying open my eyes, despite my violently tossing my head back and forth.

"I'm not releasing you yet, you've still got a way to go," he took out a stethoscope and placed it on my bare chest, moving it around.

"You'll be fine, but you need to calm down or I'm going to have to put a gag in your mouth; you're scaring the residents." He laughed again, as he turned and walked out the door.

He kept me strapped to the bed for a long time; I fell in and out of sleep, dreaming of adventure from the stories I'd read in my youth, long, long ago. Each time I awoke, an old woman would be sitting by my bedside reading to me and I slowly came to realize what I'd been missing. For nineteen years I'd lost myself in stories and for the past year I had done none of that.

The woman read, "It is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. Hatred, by a gradual and quiet process, will even be transformed to love, unless the change be impeded by a continually new irritation of the original feeling of hostility." I watched her intently, studying the lines of her face. She glanced up and smiled at me.

"Who are you?" I croaked.

"I'm Maya, dear, from the Church of Atom," she answered.

"I've never been there," I sneered. "Maybe I should see what's it all about; I wouldn't be here, you think?"

Surprisingly, she didn't get angry or disappointed, she smiled again, "Well, the Church isn't for everyone, despite what my husband will tell you. A person like… some personalities wouldn't prosper with the Church of Atom. It's my belief that Atom put you through this for a reason. But my beliefs are not necessarily yours, nor are they necessarily correct; they are only mine."

Startled by her kindness, my face flushed and I turned my head away; how could I ever set foot out of the clinic? I was a vile mess; why couldn't my mother have just let me die?

Furious, I turned back to Maya. "Why aren't I dead? What do you care about me? I'm nothing but a worthless whore and drug-addict," I lashed out at her.

She seemed taken aback but then smiled, "You've never been worthless; sometimes things happen and we make decisions in our lives which make us believe that, but everyone has value, Esther; everyone."

I glared at her, staring into her eyes. Slowly I felt myself calming down; something about her peaceful gaze took the heat out of me.

"I'm sorry, Maya," I lay my head back down.

"It's alright, Esther, you may not believe it to look at me, but I know what you're going through." She paused and smoothed my hair back, running her hand along the top of my head. The touch felt soothing, reminded me of something a mother would do; I closed my eyes and relaxed. It suddenly occurred to me what had happened and I opened my eyes, turning my head toward her.

"It was you, wasn't it? In the bathroom. You saved my life."

She nodded very slightly, still stroking my head, "Yes, I couldn't let you die." A tear formed in the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek. She brushed it off, rubbing her eyes with her thumb and forefinger.

"Should I keep reading, dear?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, please; I've missed that." I closed my eyes again. "What story is it?"

"The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne; I've always enjoyed this, and thought it particularly appropriate for you." She smiled down at me and held the book back up.

She read to me for the rest of the day, and well into the night. We finished the book and I let the emotions wash over me like they'd done in the past; this was what I'd been missing, and this is what would help me. She kissed my forehead and left, telling me goodnight. I lay, still strapped to the bed, wondering about my future, but now in an almost hopeful way.

If I said everything became rosy after I would be a liar; this was the most horrible experience of my life. Nothing could compare to the way my body and mind felt; not being raped by Mr. Almodovar or the guards, not being beaten by any of the men in Megaton, not almost killing myself through a drug overdose. I would alternate between burning up like I was in fire to biting cold like I was covered in ice. This was punctuated by intense pain in sporadic locations throughout my body, a shivering buzzing sensation on my skin, and the light searing through my vision. I was unable to sleep for longer than an hour or two at a time, and not in any definable pattern. When I did sleep, I didn't recall my dreams but they must have been nightmares of such ferocity that I would wake screaming. Mostly, I cried; for myself, for what I had done, for what I had allowed to happen.

Once I was conscious and stable, Doc Church had a talk. He brought a chair over to the bed I was strapped to and sat down next to me.

"Esther, you're in bad shape," he said, plainly. Doc Church; the Friendly and Helpful Medical Practitioner. I no longer had the burning rage when I first woke up; my time with Maya and reading calmed me down.

"Thanks, Doc," I said.

He looked at me in surprise and then gave a small smile, "Seems you are getting better though."

He slid the chair closer and leaned over my head, pulling my hair up painfully, "you have lice." He dropped my hair and examined the side of my face and then moved slowly down my body. "And you have some kind of nasty fungus all over your skin." I was able to see red splotches all over the parts of my body I could see when I lifted my head, but really at this angle it was hard to see anything.

"That's probably because you haven't had a decent bath in so long and the fact that you're a whore; who the hell knows what you've caught from these animals around here," he finished, crossing his arms. I lay looking at him wondering what I was supposed to say.

"To cure the first, I'm going to have to shave you," he glanced down at my groin and my first thought was the usual payment. "All of you." He stood up and turned to walk away, "For the fungus I'm going to bathe you and put some ointment on you."

He turned back and I swear there was an evil smile on his lips, "It's going to burn so I'll keep you strapped to the bed." He left the room and came back a few minutes later, a long knife, and bucket in hand.

"Alright, don't get up, I'll take care of this," he laughed, almost to himself.

What followed was among the most humiliating things I'd ever been through, and that was considering what I'd just done with my life for the past year. First, he roughly pulled my head by my hair and with no regard sawed my hair off as close to my scalp as he could get; it took a long, painful amount of time, but I was determined not to give him the satisfaction of screaming. When it seemed he had cut all of my hair off and pulled my scalp off in the process, he reached in the bucket and got out a sponge squeezing it out over my head. He grabbed a bar of soap out of the bucket and rubbed it over my remaining hair, washing my scalp with his fingertips.

He completely startled me next by getting up on the bed with me and kneeling over me; he leaned forward and scraped the edge of the knife over my remaining hair several times, shaving it all off completely. Several times he scratched my head making me jump and wince, but I still didn't scream. When he was finished, he soaked my head again several times to get all of the soap out.

He looked me over, examining his handiwork, "I'm pretty good, if I do say so myself. Well, as long as you don't want it styled or anything fancy like that." He laughed and rubbed the top of my now bald head; I wished I was able to feel it and look at myself in a mirror. "I did find a lot of critters up there, though." He looked down at my groin and gave it the same treatment; got it wet, soaped it up and shaved it bald.

He frowned in a self-satisfied manner, nodded his head and walked back out of the room; he took the knife but left the bucket. He returned with a bottle filled with a cloudy brown liquid and a jar with a bluish-white cream.

"Alright, hold still, we're going to get you sparkly clean!" He chuckled to himself, soaked his sponge and unceremoniously wrung it out over my body, drenching me with biting cold; he won, I screamed out and squirmed as best I could from the touch.

"Oh stop it, you big baby," he poured some of the brown liquid on the sponge and gave me the roughest, harshest bath I'd ever had. He scrubbed the sponge over every inch of my body and not gently and with compassion. He rubbed me raw, every where; I glowed red when he was finished, and it felt as painful as it looked.

"Esther," he said looking at me sympathetically, "this is going to hurt like hell. I'm sorry. But this stuff has cured every skin disease I've ever seen."  
He pulled on some gloves and grabbed the jar. Unscrewing the lid, he scooped out some of the cream and slapped it on my legs. At first it felt cool and pleasant, but then he started rubbing it into my legs and the pain started; a searing intense burning sensation like someone was dunking me in boiling water. I moaned loudly and as he got to other parts of my body, got louder until I was screaming out when he rubbed the cream into my face and neck. I writhed in bed, crying uncontrollably as my body burned while he walked out closing the door behind him.

Every day he returned for four days. He rinsed me off, examined my body and reapplied the cream; the burning lasted for hours. Over the course of the day and night before he came back again, it never fully went away, but I did get used to it. Finally he rinsed me off on the fourth day and didn't lather me back up.

"You're clean and reasonably healthy," he said, looking me over again. "You need to eat, and you can stay here until you get back on your feet. Maya will be by shortly with something for you."

He leaned over and I felt tugging on my legs and then my arms, and I was free; free to leave the doctor's office and wander the wastes, free to go back to my old life or start a new one, free to be too terrified to even move a muscle and continue to lay there even when the doctor left the room, leaving the door open. I lay quivering in the bed until Maya came like he said.

"Feels good, doesn't it dear?" she asked me.

"Maya, I don't know what to do," I whimpered, "I'm scared; I don't want to be… a whore anymore."

She smiled, showing her yellowed teeth, "Well, first thing is to sit up." I heaved myself to an upright position and immediately leaned forward as my head started swimming and my stomach started churning.

"Whoa," Maya said, grabbing on to my shoulders. "You've been lying on your back for a long time." After my head stopped spinning, I took a deep breath.

"Let's get you dressed, then you get to eat," she smiled and put a box on the bed next to me. "I'm sorry, dear," she said sadly, "we had to burn all those pretty dresses from your mother; they were too infected with whatever it was you had caught."

I looked at her in surprise, and a tear trickled down my cheek; that was all I had to remember her by, to remember someone I had never met. Trying to be brave, I answered with a shaking voice, "I understand; it's a new beginning, right?" I looked down listlessly.

"That's the spirit," she squeezed my shoulders. "Open that box; this can't make up for what you lost, but maybe it can help make it better."

I slowly opened the box unsure of what I'd done to deserve someone like Maya looking after me. By all accounts, I was a vile, disgusting creature and she should have let me die in the bathroom. But she didn't and I had to make sure she didn't regret that choice.

Inside the box were some of the most beautiful clothing I'd ever seen; whether that was actually true, or simply because I was feeling overwhelmed, I don't know. There were several sets of underwear, three dresses, three skirts and three pairs of pants. There were also ten tops varying from ornate dress shirts to simple t-shirts similar to the underwear we wore in the Vault. There were four pairs of shoes; some rugged boots, a pair of practical shoes with no heels and two sets of heels. For my head there was a very pretty pre-war bonnet and a blue baseball cap with a large red C; I had no idea what pre-war team that was from. Finally, at the very bottom was a heavy leather coat that covered me completely. I looked up puzzled.

"That's your armor; when you finally leave Megaton you're going to need protection," she smiled.

My eyes grew wide and I started stammering, "I don't know… I can't leave Megaton! What would I do? I'd be killed by the end of the day!"

"After you eat, we can discuss that," she said with another of her smiles. I was suddenly famished and looked around for food. seeing nothing I stood up, ready to head out to the Brass Lantern or Nucleare Cucina; Maya burst out laughing and put her arm out to stop me.

"You forgetting something?" I looked at her confused. "Clothes, Dearie; I know it's been a while for you," she laughed again.

Embarrassed I sat back down on the bed and rifled through the box picking a set of plain white underwear, pants, t-shirt and the shoes with no heels; one day I might want to feel pretty again but today I just wanted to eat and quickly. Maya helped me a bit and looked me over when I was done.

"Aren't you a sight?" she exclaimed taking my hand and walking toward the exit. "Don't worry, your hair will grow back."

I laughed and ran my other hand over my head; my hair felt prickly from the short length, but kind of soft too. "You know, Maya, I think I kind of like it like this."

She nodded, "Understandable, a lot of Wasteland girls wear their hair short like that; less trouble and easier to take care of."

We decided to eat at Nucleare Cucina, it was more private and truthfully the food was somewhat better than The Brass Lantern's. I looked up when we went by the Lantern and Jenny was behind the counter; her face lit up when she saw me and she ran over and took me in a tight hug.

"I've missed you, Esther, you can't believe it," she breathed.

"I'm sorry, Jenny," I answered, hugging her back warmly, "I… needed…"

Maya patted my arm, "She lost her way, but I think she's found it again."

"You're a good woman, Maya, and don't you forget it," Jenny said to her.

"Oh no, just doing what anyone else would have," she answered embarrassed.

"No, none of the rest of us helped, we just watched her slide down," Jenny was embarrassed too, and now I was embarrassed that they were talking about my becoming a drug-addicted whore.

Maya put her arm around my shoulders, "She wouldn't have let you at the time; I just happened to be there when she was ready." I smiled at the two of them unsure of what to say.

"Now, not to knock the Lantern, Sweetie, but Esther and I are headed over to eat at Rupert's place. Interested?"

Jenny looked back to her counter, and seeing the three customers at it looked back at us with a smile. "You mean get away from this hole and eat some decent food with friends? Whatever could possess me to want to do that?" She walked back to the door of the restaurant and pushed it open.  
"I'm going out with Maya, get your ass out here," she shouted and walked to us with a smirk. I turned quickly away, before Leo came out; I knew there wouldn't be anyone else she'd yell at like that, and I had no interest in seeing him right now.

We talked for several hours about everything; even though I had lived in Megaton for the past year and they saw me, it was like I was returning from a long trip. I guess in a way I was and it was good to be back. Both Rupert and Deirdre sat with us and welcomed me home, so to speak. While we were talking, Tabitha came in making my little surrogate family complete. Finally I brought up The subject; I was dreading it but I knew I had to talk about it.

There was a small lull in the conversation and I looked down pushing the remains of my food around with a fork. I glanced up and saw all of them staring at me.

"I don't want to be… keep doing the job I was doing, but I don't have any other skills," I finally exploded. "My entire life in the Vault was the same… almost the same job… for the Overseer." Maya shook her head and Tabitha reached over and took my hand.

"Dearie," Maya said, "We've actually been talking about that." They all smiled and I looked at them startled.

"You've been discussing me?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Tabitha answered.

"We figured when Doc Church fixed you up you wouldn't want to go back to that," Jenny said. "So we came up with an idea from something you did long ago. Do you remember scavving in Springvale?" she asked. I nodded my head.

"I want you to go into the Wasteland and help people," Maya said, "and that's a perfect way to keep yourself in caps."

I was shaking my head almost violently, "Oh no, I can't do that. You know what it's like out there. You saw the trouble I almost got myself into. No, I can't do that."

"Sweetie, that's why we're here for you," Maya said.

"Do you know Stockholm?" Jenny asked.

I shook my head; I knew of Stockholm, he was the guy that stood over the entrance to Megaton watching, but I had never spoken to him.

"Well, he's agreed to help teach you to shoot and take care of yourself in the Wastes," Maya took my hand. "Starting tomorrow, you'll be staying with us in the Church until he says you're ready to go."

I looked helplessly between all the faces, the faces of the people who had become my closest friends.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"No, not really."

I sighed dramatically, but with a smile, "Being a prostitute would be much easier."

Maya burst into laughter, "Yes, that's probably true, dear, but it wouldn't make you as… survivable in the Wasteland."

They all laughed and I gave them each a long hug and prepared myself for my new life.


End file.
